The Lone Star State

I have just come back from Texas trip, a three days road trip around the big cities and beaches of Texas. Everything was fine except I missed Hasib & Rassel a lot. I was just amazed by the traffic of Houston. I was little curious to know where all those people were going. Big Cities! Damn Big! Big cities make you feel like you are living, challenge you every moment with new set of challenges, keep you pursuing. You have to do lot of things; you have to do make it all in time. Crazy people with their superfast life!

I feel like Texas has more diversity than Oklahoma. Therefore, they are more progressive. One interesting thing is: I met more South-Asian people than American people in Texas. And there are so many Indian and Pakistani restaurants that you may get confused whether you are in India or America. Most of the Gas Stations are run by either Indian or Pakistani people (I had stopped at almost twenty and each of them are running by South-Asians).

Society

hmmm ooh hooo hooo

It's a mistery to me
we have a greed
with which we have agreed

You think you have to want
more than you need
until you have it all you won't be free

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have
you think you need
and when you think more than you want
your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place
'cos when you have more than you think
you need more space

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

there's those thinking more or less less is more
but if less is more how you're keeping score?
Means for every point you make
your level drops
kinda like its starting from the top
you can't do that...

society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me

[Eddie Vedder - Into the Wild' 2007][Youtube]

Fall' 2008

Fall semester is over, my first semester in OU. I guess it went well. I did well in my classes. Dr. Dong was happy with me, hopefully I did well as TA so far. The only thing I was struggling with, is my research. Dr. Gruenwald was not happy enough. I had learnt so many things in one semester here. I loved the Formal Language course, especially Dr. Kim. He is such a good professor. I am enjoying absolute vacation now. I am loving it, complete idle life.

Yesterday was Christmas day, my first Christmas in United States. I spent my whole day with Ron, Diana, Cameron, Donovan and Dean. I had enjoyed a lot. I thought Christmas would be similar to Eid in Dhaka but it is not. It is calm and quite very unlike our Eid. I am not saying this is it, but this is how I saw it. The only difference seemed to me was: Wal-Mart was closed. Other than that it was hard to find any difference. I had been in the Journey Church at Christmas Eve. It was an interesting experience.

I had a series of dinner parties in last few days. Almost everyone from Bangladesh invited once for dinner within last couple of days. So I am having little bit different time. I merely love their company except selective few's. When I was in Bangladesh I had always avoided these kinds of folks. They are simply not my type. Anyway, all are part of my unfortunate life.

Happy Holidays

My holidays begin today. I had a presentation today in front of my groups. My holidays start after finishing that presentation. I am planning to go to Houston in these holidays for three or four days. This is my first Christmas and New Year in United States. But I think I should plan for Laramie but it didn’t work because of funds. I am a very poor fellow. :(

I can feel the calmness. Calmness is everywhere. It is easy to feel. I am loving this calmness. It is very foggy today in Norman. This is the first time I see fog here. Outside seems very mysterious because of fog. We have huge fog in Bangladesh during the winter. Actually I was wondered when I first saw here that sun is shining in full extend but still it doesn’t have any heat. Usually mysterious mist brings the cold weather in Bangladesh. So it was seemed very unusual to me at first.

Anyway, I am hoping a good holidays and wishing you all happy holidays!

Love Is Blind

They say love. Love is blind
And true love is hard to find
It makes you wonder now you're yesterdays news
At the bitter end of a love affair
Some you win some you loose

'Cause love is blind
Love is blind

They say time can heal the pain
But sooner or later it's back again
But don't be angry that your heart could be so wrong
When that old familiar feeling's got you
Singing the same old song

'Cause love is blind
Love is blind

Now your bed has been preparing
For the nights you'll sleep alone
Makes you wonder why you never learn from the past
'Cause this ain't the first time baby
And it won't be the last

'Cause love is blind
Love is blind
Love is blind
Love is blind

So if love, love is blind
And true love so hard to find
There's only one remedy to take away the pain
You gotta roll with the punches, baby,
And start all over again

'Cause love is blind
Love is blind

Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind
Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind
Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind
Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind, Love is blind

[David Coverdale][Youtube]

Do you know how I feel it?

I am interested about one thing, is knowledge truly transferable? I don’t think so. The information resides in my head have a complicated semantic relation with other knowledge and information. There is a way to express the knowledge or information but is there any way to express the semantic relation? Some time it is called perspective. Perspective is nothing but a complicated semantic relation of information with other information which forms new knowledge.

No two man react same way observing a same thing, right? Observing a same thing is like gathering new knowledge. And this new knowledge sits aside with olds and creates a complicated semantic relation with others. Probably these semantic relations make us think differently. I may know what you know if you write all of them but they are not same to me, i.e., they will not mean the same thing. Therefore something looses in the transformation process. The transformation process is intrinsically lossy.

Then what is the problem? Does the problem exist in language? I feel the problem exit in two different levels. There are some cases when people feel the limitations of languages to express his ideas but other time they just can’t express. So there is a problem exists in the level of expressing. A guy who can’t talk may be able to express lot of things but not all. Does it mean lack of his knowledge? Obviously not. I feel like are we are just unable to express ourselves. I never know what you really know even if you write all of them.

Maybe in future we will be able to express more complicated semantic information hence more lossless transformation, therefore faster propagation of knowledge. We all know Einstein’s theory of relativity but nobody knows what it means to him. I am just curious why it is taking too much time to come up with more elegance technique of transforming knowledge. My point is my expression technique and my expression media is not well enough to express the complicated semantics reside in my head. Maybe I have expressed everything I know about it (the expressible things) but it is impossible to express how I feel it (what inside my mind).

Shiblee is a crap

What I am doing? Is this something I have dreamed? I am doing my PhD, I am doing my research. Am I enjoying it? Yes, I guess I am enjoying it except the feedback part (it is almost …). I know I have to go a long way, I know I am not perfect and I don’t want to be perfect at all. All I want is a quest of perfection. Then what is problem? Maybe this not the way I am used to. Is this really necessary to be everything in my favorable shape? It is not necessary but it is desired. That’s what everyone expects. What if you get what you desired? Maybe I could do more. Is it? Maybe; maybe not. Then, what is the point of whole thing? The point is I should concentrate on my work more and more rather than what I have got in return.

Freedom-of-speech

I believe in humanity, I believe in freedom-of-speech. Freedom-of-speech implies everyone has the right to say what he believes without any moderation. Obviously, there is nothing called absolute freedom-of-speech. To me freedom-of-speech means the allowing other people to present their perspectives either in a positive or negative way. Obviously it is expected that the views are sensible. Well, the whole thing is vague. Sensible is a vague term and the level varies from man to man. But still there is an acceptance level of sensibility among the majority of the society. As we are human being and we live in a society therefore we define that level as a level of sensibility. Obviously, this definition doesn’t cover all the cases but it covers majority of the cases. My point is if say something it should be sensible or it must have strong support.

One more thing, I want to point out here. Any right is always governed by the place where it is executed. You have every right to make sex with your wife but it is not good idea to do that in the middle of a four way junction. So before doing anything you should consider “what are you doing” at the same time “where are you doing so”.

So far I haven’t used comment moderation in my blog. I didn’t want to humiliate my visitors. Using moderation seems to me as distrust on the sensibility of the visitors. It is humiliating to me. If someone suspects to my sensibility I would rather avoid that guy. Anyway, the whole point is before leaving any comment please think again is this right place? I expect more sensible comments form my visitors. Please do not leave such comments that enforce me to use comments moderation. Please don’t do it again.

ডিসেম্বর

ঢাকার আবহাওয়াটা এখন কেমন খুব জানতে ইচ্ছা হয় মাঝে মাঝে। এই সময়টা অনেক আগে থেকেই আমার খুব প্রিয়। যখন অনেক ছোট ছিলাম, এই সময়টাতে নানা বাড়ি বেড়াতে যেতাম। স্কুল বন্ধ থাকত, সারাদিন ঘুরে বেড়ানো যেত, খেলা যেত, কতো মজা। ঢাকার স্কুল পড়ুয়া সব বাচ্চাদের এই সময় টা হচ্ছে স্বপ্ন। আমি যখন অনেক ছোট ছিলাম, সারা বছর অপেক্ষা করতাম ডিসেম্বরের জন্য। সেই অপেক্ষা আজও শেষ হ্য়নি। ছোটবেলায় স্কাউট করার কারনে আমাকে বাহুবার চক্কর কাটতে হয়েছে ঢাকা স্টেডিয়ামে। এখনো সেই চক্করই কেটে যাচ্ছি!

প্রতি বছর লন্ঞ্চে করে নানা বাড়ি যাওয়া, সারা রাত জেগে নদীর ডেউ দেখা, আরও কতো কি? নদীর সেই ডেউ আজও আমার পিছ ছারলো না, বরং আরো দুইটা ছাগল জোটাই দিল, আমার সাথে। বড়ো হয়ে শুধু নদীর উপর রাত কাটাব বলে বরিশাল গেছি অনেকবার, আবার সকাল বেলা চলে আসছি। এই রকম কোন এক ডিসেম্বরে আমার প্রথম ভাললাগা। আমি তখন বায়োসন্ধি কালের শুরুতে। তখনও ঠিক বুঝি না পুরা বেপারটা, শুধু বুঝি বন্ধু বাদে মেয়েদের সাথে আরোও এক ধরনের সম্পর্ক সম্ভব। যাই হোক জীবন থেমে থাকেনি, চলে এসেছি অনেক দুর। এই রকম কোন এক ডিসেম্বরে আমার প্রথম বাড়ির বাইরে থাকা। কতো ভয়, উৎকন্ঠা তবুও কিছুটা নিজেকে ছারিয়ে যাওয়া, কিছুটা বড়ো হওয়া। মনে পরে অনেক মিথ্যা, অনেক প্লান দিয়ে ঢেকেও পুরা ব্যাপারটা টাকে ধামাচাপা দিতে পারি নাই। এই রকম একটা ডিসেম্বরে আমি বাসা ছেরে হোস্টেলে থাকা শুরু করি। হায়রে জীবন! কোথায় যে নিয়ে যাচ্ছে আমাকে। পাশ করার পর আমার প্রথম চাকরিটাও শুরু করি এই ডিসেম্বর মাসেই। অনেক ডিসেম্বর পার করে দিলাম জীবনে।

এই দুর পরবাসে এটাই আমার প্রথম ডিসেম্বর। ঠান্ডাটা এখানে কিন্ঞ্চিত বেশি, এই যা। অনেক কিছুই এখন মিস করি। মামুন ভাইয়া একটা কথা খুব বলতো, যাচ্ছ তো, বিদেশে গিয়া, রাস্তার কুকুরটাকেও মিস করবা। মামুন ভাইয়ার কথা যে কতটা সত্যি, সেটা মাঝে মাঝে টের পাই। সময় গুলো ক্রমশই বিমর্ষ হয়ে যাচ্ছে, সেই জীবনতো আর ফিরে পাওয়া যাবে না, স্ব্রিতি গুলোকে বাচিয়ে রাখার চেষ্টা। যদি যাওয়া যায় সেই দিন গুলার কাছে, যে কোন ভাবে? সেদিন দেখলাম কানেকটিকাট ইউনিভার্সিটির এক প্রফেসর তার বাবার কাছে যাবার জন্য টাইম মেশিন বানাচ্ছে। কি জানি একদিন হ্য়তো পারবো ফিরে যেতে।

Reversible Computing & Cellular Automata

As part of Formal Languages course I had to read a paper, present it and write a report on it. The title of the paper was, “Reversible Computing and Cellular Automata – A survey” by Kenichi Morita from Hiroshima University. He is one of the top most scientists of theoretical computer science.

The paper was very interesting and I knew very little about these topics before. It was a survey paper on reversible computing and cellular automata. I would like to share my presentation and report here. As this is my first presentation here outside my research group. Anyway the topics were very interesting. I hope you enjoy the topic.

Here they have reports with almost every course. This is kind of new thing for me. CSE BUET undergrad courses are in very good standard (I believe more than they do here in undergrad) but they don’t have any report along with the courses. The only report I had submitted in my undergrad is my thesis report.

Distraction, distraction and distraction!

Crazy days are passing by. So many things to do, so many places to go! Sometimes, I am just afraid if I could make it. Sometimes, I feel tired, really heck of a god damn tired. I had read a quote long ago, “When someone commits suicide, it really means this fucking life is not worth of living”. That’s kind of an interesting quote, isn’t it? Actually I have very little to tell about myself. I am not that much boring maybe my poor life. Why I am writing this? Ummm…

Today is Eid-ul-Adha in America. This is my second eid in United States. So I am kind of habituated with whole things and I know what it means in United States. Hence, I didn’t expect more than that. To me, I feel like only important thing in life is time. Give some time to time to fix up the whole things. What the hell I am writing? Ummm…

There are millions more like these questions. Do I know really know the answers? Who cares? I can live without knowing these fuzzy questions and answers. So what’s the big deal in that? No points! I can write like these for few more hours. Do they really make any sense? No more question, I am quitting here. Eid Mubarak! Once again…

Just a post...

Life is going on as it is, little bit quiet and variation less. We got a long vacation last week. It was Thanks-giving vacation. I had a very good feast with my family. It is difficult to find the exact analogy in Bengali but I guess the main theme is pretty close to Nobanno. Nothing can really make the difference in my life. That’s a kind of a good thing and I do appreciate. Maybe hard to realize for first time but I guess it has some good on it.

My first semester in OU is almost at the end. It just has three more weeks to go. One of my feelings about American style of education is: it is consistent over the time (whole semester) unlike us. To me, the style of education from us is so different that they are incomparable. Both have their own pros and cons.

America changes me, my life, everything even my hair style. I am just trying to cope up with it. Five months should enough for it but I am not adaptive kind of guy. Maybe that’s why it is taking too long for me. As always I leave everything for the time, let the time decide for me.

I live in America

November is a very busy time for students here; projects, home-works, mid-terms, etc. I am not that much busy with my class works as I am with my research thing. I am still struggling to get Dr. Gruenwald. But for some reason it makes me more interested about the whole thing. As always the harder it is the more curious I am to see the end.

Other than these I don’t have any stories. Well I am not poet enough to make a poem of it. Actually my unpredictable life is now so predictable. When I left Bangladesh Kanak told me, “Bangladesh is the best place for bohemian life.” Indeed it is. At that time I thought I want the end of all bohemianism. Maybe I didn’t realize my life would end with it. I am tired of mimicking the same series of events every day. If I say I am alive now then it will be teasing of my past.

This is America. Every fine morning I wake up and ask myself why I am here? Finally after series of logic and counter logic I convince myself to be here for that day. That’s how my days start. And every night it goes to bed with a beautiful dream of new morning that’s gonna change everything. America is beautiful country to visit but possibly worst for staying too long. Maybe I am telling this because I am missing my old beautiful days.

Someday I will leave this country. I will go to another one and then another one and so on. But I know I will never find what I am looking for. Am I looking for something? What? Is that something really exists? Ha Ha Ha…

প্রস্থান

এখন তুমি কোথায় আছ কেমন আছ, পত্র দিও।

এক বিকেলে মেলায় কেনা খামখেয়ালীর তাল পাখা টা
খুব নিশীথে তোমার হাতে কেমন আছে, পত্র দিও।
ক্যালেন্ডারের কোন পাতা টা আমার মত খুব ব্যথিত
ডাগর চোখে তাকিয়ে থাকে তোমার দিকে, পত্র দিও।
কোন কথাটা অষ্ট প্রহর কেবল বাজে মনের কানে
কোন স্মৃতি টা উস্কানি দেয় ভাসতে বলে প্রেমের বানে
পত্র দিও, পত্র দিও।

আর না হলে যত্ন করে ভুলেই যেয়ো, আপত্তি নেই।
গিয়ে থাকলে আমার গেছে, কার কি তাতে?
আমি না হয় ভালবেসেই ভুল করেছি ভুল করেছি,
নষ্ট ফুলের পরাগ মেখে
পাঁচ দুপুরে নিজ'নতা খুন করেছি, কী আসে যায়?
এক জীবনে কতটা আর নষ্ট হবে,
এক মানবী কতটাই বা কষ্ট দেবে!

[হেলাল হাফিজ]

Colorful Life

Dhaka University classes for batch’2000 were started almost one year before of BUET. We, BUET guys were pretty much idle at that time. I had spent a lot of my time in Dhaka University at that time. Shaon was in Dhaka University and he started to live at dormitory by that time. He was involved with politics and some random incidents made pretty much bad idea about dormitory to my parents.

One day Shuvo, Shaon and I decided to stay at Dhaka University dormitory. It was my first day in dormitory. So I had to lied them and said I would be at Shuvo’s place. So they allowed me to stay out at night. But they discovered the whole thing by making some phone calls. And next day it turned out a total mess. But I did enjoy that day. It was my first dormitory night. It was a new experience of new life.

Time had passed and I had stayed at dormitory since my third year after that. And now I have passed almost four months in USA. Still that day means something different to me. Stream of my life takes me here now. Who knows how far it will take me and makes me see how many things.

I just wonder how life evolved! Life has its own way of doing things. Nobody knows what is waiting for tomorrow. Sorrows are the most inevitable eternal friends of human life. Still it is full of excitement, excitement of new morning, new day, and new life. Otherwise life has no meaning, nothing at all. Life is colorful, with its own color.

Those of my friends staying outside Bangladesh can you remember your first day outside home?

A photograph

Probably this is one of my most discussed photos. There is no good reason but one big reason might be I use it very often. I like this photograph very much. It is one of my craziest adventures I have ever had. This picture has everything I have, I am lost, I am hungry, and I am crazy. Can you feel the vision of new morning in eyes? I can. That’s it, that’s what I am! I am lost, lost in dark, lost in life. I am hungry, always hungry. I am crazy, crazy for new days, new life. Therefore, I am lost because of my craziness in eternal hunger.

আমি তারে পেয়েও হারাই রে!

অনেক বছর আগের একটা দিন মাঝে মাঝে খুব মনে পরে। আব্বু সকাল বেলা ঘুম থেকে তুলে স্কুলে নিয়ে গেলো। কোনো একটা অদ্ভুত কারনে আমি এর আগের কিছু মনে করতে পারি না। সেই যে শুরু আজও শেষ খুজে পেলাম না। মাঝে মাঝে ভাবি আদৌ কোনো শেষ আছে না শুধুই ছুটে চলা। চলতে চলতে ক্লান্ত হয়ে যাই, তবু চলা থামে না।

আমার জীবনটা এমন ছিলো না, স্কুলের শেষ বেন্ঞিটাতে বসে আমার জীবন ভালই কেটে যাচ্ছিল। তারপর সময় আসল স্কুলকে বিদায় জানানোর, চলে আসলাম কলেজ নামোক যায়গাটাতে, তারপর বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ে। আমি খুব ভালো ভাবেই জানি আমার বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় জীবনটা আমি কিভাবে পার করেছি। পড়ালেখা বাদে আর যা যা করা সম্ভব ছিলো সবই বোধহয় করেছিলাম ঐ জীবনটাতে। যৌবন ছিলো, ছিলো খুজে দেখার ইচ্ছা, আর ছিলো রাসেল, হাসিব, ইমরুল, রেজা, জাফর, ডিউ, জামি, আদনান আরও অনেকেই।

আজকে আমার হাতে অফুরন্ত সময়, খুব পিছনে ফিরে যেতে ইচ্ছা হয়, না ভুল শোধরানোর জন্যে নয়, পুরোনো বন্ধুদের কাছে, পুরোনো জীবনটার কাছে। আমি হাজার বার ফিরে যেতে রাজি আছি, তবে একটিবারও শোধরাতে রাজি নাই। পুরো সময়টাই হয়তো নষ্ট করেছিলাম, তবুও মনে শান্তি ছিল। আজকে হয়তো পুরো সময়টাই কাজে লাগাই, তবুও ঐ জিনিস টা নাই। কোথায় যে খুজে পাবো কারো জানা নাই।

ইদানিং খুব ক্লান্ত লাগে। আর পারি না। এই ছুটে চলা আর ভালো লাগে না। আমি একবার রাস্তা হারিয়ে এক মারমা বাড়িতে আশ্রয় নিয়েছিলাম। পরদিন সকাল বেলা যখন চলে আশি তখন গৃহকর্তার হাতে একটা নোট ধরানোর চেষ্টা করলাম, সে আমার দিকে খুবই অবাক হয়ে তাকিয়ে থাকলো কিছুক্ষন। শেষে আমার কাছে জানতে চাইলো সে ঐটা দিয়ে কি করবে, তারতো মাসের বাজার করা শেষ? আমি কোনো উত্তর খুজে পেলাম, তবে একটা জিনিস নিয়ে আসলাম, তা হচ্ছে জীবন, শিখে আসলাম কতো সহজেই জীবন কাটানো যায়। অথচ এই জীবনের জন্যই আমার কত আয়োজন। নিজেকে খুব ঘেন্না হয়, খুব।

Country Roads

Almost heaven, west virginia
Blue ridge mountains, shenandoah river
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memries, gather round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice, in the mornin hours she calls to me
The radio reminds me of my home far a-way
And drivin down the road I get a feeling
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

[John Denver, Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert - Poems, Prayers and Promises'1971][wiki][Youtube]

Research Life

I am really struggling to satisfy Dr. Gruenwald. No matter how prepare I am, she finds problem in it. I am trying hard but still I am not up to the mark. Either the whole research thing is beyond my capability or my process is not correct. She complains several times about my thought process. I have to find some way out otherwise I will be kick-out. The later is good in a sense that I can go back to Bangladesh. The only problem is I have to go back with some bad memories.

The hopeful part of the story is she is not going to kick me out before next summer. So I have still few months left to save my ass. But I am not quite sure about how long I will be able to save my ass. I just feel hapless. I don’t know how to get her. I am really looking for a way out. There must be some way! I have to find it. Otherwise I will be in real trouble.

If I find myself totally incompetent for the research then I should think about alternating way. I don’t want to waste much of my time. Maybe software is the only way for me or my life is tied with it. Is research really so difficult or I am in a wrong track. God knows! Anyway I am thrilling to see the end of this story.

My Bangladesh

I have a very little connection with a village of Bangladesh. I born and brought up in one of the most populous cities. But still I have attraction toward bucolic beauties. I always dream a home at countryside. Maybe it will remain as my dream for ever. If I die I want my boneyard somewhere at countryside.

I had stayed a night in tribal house. It was a remote village in Bangladesh out of so called civilized area. I learned how simple a life could be. Life is beautiful to them. Surely life is something different to them. I wish I could be there! Forever and forever!

[Image Source] Rassel Raihan

Different People, Different Ways

Tonight is a big night for the United States. It was their presidential election today. And whole day I even didn’t feel anything different than other days. Back to Bangladesh, can you imagine that? Even the 15^th February’s election was even more excited than their election. Are we politically more concern than them? Well recent years their participation is near to 50-55. And average participation in Bangladesh is 75-80 now-a-days it becomes more. So, are we more concern? I think no! We are just crazy; we don’t even know what we are doing.

Yes, we are exceptions in few aspects. I am kind of amazed that I didn’t see anybody asking for vote in person here. I mean other than mass media no body asking for vote. Yes there are few big conventions but they are different. Sometime they are crazy but their own way. Every nation has their own characteristics different from others. They have certain things in their own. That makes the real difference between nation to nation and people to people.

By this time, Mr. Obama is already elected as a president of united state. Does it gonna make any difference? Well maybe, maybe not! I thing other than skin color everything is similar to previous presidents. Let see what new he is gonna bring for this nation as well as for the whole world.

How is life?

Last week was crazy! I worked hard. But this time not to save my ass rather I enjoyed it pretty much. It was birthday at Monday. Hanqing and Lipa surprise me with two surprise birthday parties. This is how my life is going on here. This is America Life. America has a weird kind of thing. Once get here you have to be part of it. Other way it will make you a part of it. What I mean is America is pretty good to absorbing people. That’s why they got so many people from so many places.

Actually October and November are two most busy months. Students used to have midterms, projects, home-works, and presentations and so on. Therefore they can’t manage much time for think about other stuffs. Life is good; this is something real good for foreign students like me.

Well I was sat for write something about my last week. But it turns out that I hadn’t done anything that I can put here. Well I did lot of things last but that will be way too technical for here. So I don’t want to bore my reader with my geeky stuffs. This is my life, this is what I am. Fortunately or unfortunately this is most part of my life.

I am amazed with color of fall here is Oklahoma. Oklahoma got a real colorful fall. All the trees are full of colors. There have so many colors over here. I really wonder how the trees hold so many colors together. They are really wonderful. I simply love it. . . . bla, bla, bla, . . . yuk, yuk, yuk. I want to stop here today because I am not feeling comfy to write anymore.

যাতায়াত

কেউ জানে না আমার কেন এমন হলো।

কেন আমার দিন কাটে না রাত কাটে না
রাত কাটে তো ভোর দেখি না
কেন আমার হাতের মাঝে হাত থাকে না কেউ জানেনা।

নষ্ট রাখীর কষ্ট নিয়ে অতোটা পথ একলা এলাম
পেছন থেকে কেউ বলেনি করুণ পথিক
দুপুর রোদে গাছের নিচে একটু বসে জিরিয়ে নিও,
কেই বলেনি ভালো থেকো সুখেই থেকো
যুগল চোখে জলের ভাষায় আসার সময় কেউ বলেনি
মাথার কসম আবার এসো

জন্মাবধি ভেতরে এক রঙিন পাখি কেঁদেই গেলো
শুনলো না কেউ ধ্রুপদী ডাক,
চৈত্রাগুনে জ্বলে গেলো আমার বুকের গেরস্থালি
বললো না কেউ তরুন তাপস এই নে চারু শীতল কলস।

লন্ডভন্ড হয়ে গেলাম তবু এলাম।

ক্যাঙ্গারু তার শাবক নিয়ে যেমন করে বিপদ পেরোয়
আমিও ঠিক তেমনি করে সভ্যতা আর শুভ্রতাকে বুকে নিয়েই দুঃসময়ে এতোটা পথ একলা এলাম শুশ্রূষাহীন।

কেউ ডাকেনি তবু এলাম, বলতে এলাম ভালোবাসি।

[হেলাল হাফিজ]

Zafar's Birthday wish!!!

Zafar: mama
happy birthday
me: nare mama
bashay
thank u mama
Zafar: May this day never come back to you again..
me: aso kemon ??
hahahaha
Zafar: may you die soon and rot in the bottom of hell..
me: thanx!!!
Zafar: May your soul rambles in the realm of hell..
me: anymore
Zafar: noh not anymore
me: Ooooooooooops!!!
Zafar: you are not even worth cursing more than this
me: :(
Zafar: choot marani..
me: then
Zafar: jonmodine goo khao..
me: :-s
Zafar: raw, putrid, odious chips of shit
r kisu komu na..
jotheshtho shuvo kamona korsi..
me: why???
Zafar: er cheye beshi possible na
eto khatir to nai..
me: ha hah a

Birthday Party

It is always good to have some people far from home. I got a very nice host family here. The word host family is not good rather I would be happy to say they are my family here. I mean they are so nice, I just love them. See not everything is bad here, Ron with father like tone, Diana with mother like fantasy, Cameron with juvenile comments, and I just love them. We had great party today. My birthday is 27^th, Dean, another student from Australia, his birthday is 29^th and Cameron’s birth day is 30^th. We had a birth celebration party today for all three of us. One more thing about Dean, he is the tallest person I have ever met, almost 6 fits 8 inches.

You know it is always difficult to meet with people from other culture. Because there is always chance of one’s culture appears as gaffe to another. So both parties must have open mind to accept it. Ron & Diana are so beautiful in handling these. As usual I talk as less as possible but they never complain. Well I am not telling that this is our culture but this is me. Usually Bangladeshi people love to talk but they are getting exactly opposite idea because I hate to talk. If a gesture works I never spend a word. That’s me!

It was a great party. Ron had made some traditional food called Gumbo and Diana made cupcake. We all enjoyed the food very much. After that we all decorated some Halloween Pumpkins. This was kind of new things to all of us. We all end up with some decoration. At least we didn’t make the mess. And finally I got some wonderful birthday gift, wow! I didn’t expect anybody wish me happy birthday here. Rebecca & Kelly brought some birthday cards. It was so unexpected that first few moments I was speechless.

Back to my last birthday, Apu and Adnan arranged a cake almost at midnight. It was kind of expected because for me Adnan is more parent than friend. That’s a long story I will talk about him later or maybe never. So it is almost another birthday and I have spent one more year. Time flies real fast!

Craziness

This part of my life is called Craziness. I mean it is crazy, real crazy, and super crazy! I wake up at morning and goes bed at night, nothing else. Every day I work for fourteen to fifteen hours. I never thought of this type of life. I know very well how I had completed my undergrad. I wish If had worked ten percent of this! I bet that could make real difference. But right now I am working so hard just to save my ass. What a life I have gotten. Life is crazy. Does anyone know what the hell is waiting after this? Why I am doing all these? Sometime I feel like this is madness!

I have no problem with hard work. I always enjoy working hard. But working for nothing is nothing but madness. It’s complete madness. When I was in Bangladesh I thought hard working is okay. Yes it okay but it seems pointless. I have no good reason for this madness. I never thought about this part. I never thought it will appear as pointless after some time. I am far away from home, far away from family, friends, far away from myself. I am sailing toward infinity and moving far away from everything.

Sailing Ships

Do you remember
Standing on the shore,
Head in the clouds,
Your pockets filled with dreams
Bound for glory
On the seven seas of life,
But, the ocean is deeper than it seems

The wind was with you
When you left on the morning tide,
Set your sail for an island in the sun,
On the horizon, dark clouds up ahead,
For the storm has just begun

Take me with you,
Take me far away,
Lead me to the distant shore

Sail your ship across the water,
Spread your wings across the sky
Take the time to see
Youre the one who holds the key,
Or sailing ships will pass you by

You cry for mercy,
When you think youve lost your way,
You drift alone, if all your hope is gone
So find the strength and you will see
You control, your destiny,
After all is said and done

So take me with you,
Take me far away,
An lead me to the distant shore

Sail your ship across the water,
Spread your wings across the sky
Take the time to see
Youre the one who holds the key,
Or sailing ships will pass,
Sailing ships will pass you,
Sailing ships will pass you by...

Take me with you,
Take me far away,
Well ride the wind across the sky
Spread your wings and you will see
You control, your destiny,
So sailing ships dont pass you by

So take me with you,
Take me far away,
Well ride the wind across the sky
Spread your wings and you will see
You control, your destiny,
So sailing ships dont pass,
So sailing ships dont pass you,
So sailing ships dont pass you by...

Baby, baby, baby, baby,
Youll find that youre the only one
Can sail your ship across the sky

[Whitesnake - Slip of the Tongue '1989][Youtube (unplugged)]

The life of David Gale

At last I got the movie “The life of David Gale”. It has been almost one year since I am waiting for this movie. When I was in Bangladesh I tried different sources but no luck. At last I got it in a movie site. Actually I forgot about the movie but today’s idle time tempted me for a movie and I choose this one. In fact this is my second movie today. First one way not my type: “Death Race”. “The life of David Gale” was in absolute harmony with this kind of sluggish days.

The movie is about death penalty. Professor David Gale a Texas professor is an anti-death activist. Finally he is condemned for rape and murder and subjected to death sentence although he was innocent. He agreed to give an interview in front of woman journalist four days before his death. He left a very short time for the journalist a very short time. That’s the main point of the whole thing and he was subjected.

In my opinion, it is a good one but not like other Kevin Spacey specials. He is one of my favorites. It is worth watching it. At least it is something new. And I didn’t like the actress. I like the plot and the central character.

Week-end again!

Week-end again! But I am not going to let it repeat again. I guess I will be able to find a way out. Actually I will be busy this week-end. I have exam, presentation and most of all I have to save my ass. I have to do something with my research project. So I can expect a busy week-end this week. And tomorrow is game day. So at least I can go to school and pass time with the crowds.

Last week was horrible! I was very busy but it was okay. But most disappointing thing was Dr. Gruenwald white washed me. I am now struggling to save my ass. I am very confused how to get her. Even I had thought of quitting her group too. Bad temperament! Anyway, part of the game, I want see the end and I will.

Apart from all these, more or less eventless life! No event at all, no matter new or old. Every day is an exact mimic of previous day. I am not complaining, I am just telling. "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." – Forrest Gump. And I got it.

I found a very interesting thing today. In facebook my cousin Babu asked Zafar about me. I don’t know why he did it but he did it and Zafar’s reply was great. Gosh… It is his problem he gets bored with everything very quickly. I know he is right. I become bore very quickly. But my friends are so cool that knowing all these things they still love me. I have plan, to tell about my friends one by one but I don’t understand from where I should start. The best thing is I am blessed with friends. I have so many good friends that sometime I feel like I am the luckiest one.

Sepulcher

Sunday!!! A holiday!!! After a long, busy week people wait for Sunday. My room is 15 x 15 x 12. Maybe, much larger for grave. Yes, it is large, large in dimensions. It has ventilation, lights and other kind of cool stuffs but in nature it is a grave. Now it is almost 36 hours I am here, alone all alone. I didn’t see anybody since then. Would you please tell me what is the difference? Can you imagine, what that really means? It sucks!!! I don’t want any more week-end. I don’t. I will be sick if it continues. I can take it anymore. Even can’t concentrate on my study. Because this loneliness killing me.

When I was in Bangladesh, I opt for reclusion. But now I know what it really means. I am becoming sick. What can I do? How can I break it? I have tried to scream but it didn’t work. Even music doesn’t work well, internet, television nothing, nothing works. I am shivering because of my fear of loneliness. I fear, I fear to be alone!

Am I alive? I don’t think so. What should I do? I want to cry, please God I want some tears! Please! Is this life? Is it really worth to be here? Why? Why I’ll be here? Please, anybody give me a reason to be here. One single reason! I hate this individualism, I really hate it. I am going insane slowly but surely.

Turing Machine

I knew about Turing Machine from my first semester. But for some reason I feel like I should compile the basic characteristics of Turing Machine. It is worth to share here, because Turing Machine is one of the most fundamental concepts of computer science. I tried to put the very basic things about it.

Turing machines, first described by Alan Turing, are simple abstract computational devices intended to help investigate the extent and limitations of what can be computed [1].
1. A Turing machine is a kind of state machine. At any time the machine is in any one of a finite number of states. Instructions for a Turing machine consist in specified conditions under which the machine will transition between one state and another.
2. A Turing machine has an infinite one-dimensional tape divided into cells. The tape has one end, at the left say, and stretches infinitely far to the right. Each cell is able to contain one symbol, either ‘0’ or ‘1’.
3. The machine has a read-write head, which at any time scanning a single cell on the tape. This read-write head can move left and right along the tape to scan successive cells.
4. The action of a Turing machine is determined completely by
      a. The current state of the machine
      b. The symbol in the cell currently being scanned by the head and
      c. A table of transition rules, which serve as the “program” for the machine.
5. Each transition rule is a 4-tuple: < State_curr, Symbol, State_next, Action > which can be read as saying “if the machine is in state State_curr and the current cell contains Symbol then move into state State_next taking Action”.
6. The actions available to a Turing machine are either to write a symbol on the tape in the current cell, or to move the head one cell to the left or right, which we will denote by the symbols « and » respectively.
7. If the machine reaches a situation in which there is not exactly one transition rule specified, i.e., none or more than one, then the machine halts.

Some of the best sources:
[1] Turing Machine, Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.
[2] Turing Machine, Wolfram Math World.
[3] Turing Machine, Famous or Infamous Wikipedia.
[4] Turing Machine, Lego Pages.
[5] Turing Machine, Encyclopedia Britannica.

আমার কিছু ভালো লাগে না

আমার কিছু ভালো লাগে না। মনে হয় কোনো একটা ছোটো শহরে গিয়ে আবার জীবন শুরু করি। এই বড়ো শহর গুলো আর ভালো লাগে না। সিরসেন্ধু র ভাষায় এই কুম্ভিপাকে আমি আর পাক খেতে চাই না। কোনো একটা অক্ষাত ছোটো শহরে যাব, একটা ছোটো দোকান দিব, জীবন কেটে যাবে। পারি না, পারি না, অনেক লোভ, অনেক চাহিদা। কই যে যাচ্ছি, কই যে যাইতে চাই, কে জানে? আমি মুক্তি চাই, মুক্তি।

Unofficial holiday

Can you remember the news “Bangladeshi Students say no to exams during World Cup”? Well I was a student of that institution, BUET. It is true that it was too much but we are not the only one. Today is Friday: OU vs. Texas game tomorrow. And OU is unofficially close today. What do you think, we are not alone. There are lots more crazy people are out there. But the difference is they know how to handle it.

According to Dr. Kim, few years back it was an official holiday, but now it is not. Because someone argued that it looks odd to declare official holiday on such event, therefore they come up with an idea. There will be no official holiday but unofficially there will be no class today. The whole thing is the idea is good. Because in this way they were able make everyone happy and attain the win-win-condition.

Now came to point, BUET usually stay closed at least for two month a year. It is not difficult for anybody to set up the schedule in such a way that both party remain happy. But I don’t know why they don’t do that. I don’t know many times they will repeat the same situation again and again. But still I believe BUET can handle that like “PL picao”. This is not because they are the best it because they operate in very different fashion than others.

Down where I am

Isn't it great to see how life begins
Things may change, let the joy begin
Can you hear this new life crying
Breed it out, it will be worth it
Show me your newborn smile

(Please tell me why)
I don't wanna hold you
(Please tell me why)
I don't wanna see you
'Cause even your smile hurts
Oh it hurts like hell

Isn't it good to see how life begins
There's no sin and there's no crime
Down where I am there's no bitter end at all
This bitterness is endless, keeps going on and on

I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
Even birth can bear disgrace
I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
Or even the smile upon your face

I fear my heart and fear my soul
And all the things that are unknown
There's a chance things will turn wrong, my friend
Far too fast I'm losing ground
Well, let's face it here and now
You're not wellcome you should know

I fear my heart and fear my soul
Life goes on it surely will
Without me it will wither
Will I ever see light again
Will I ever see light again
Oh life goes on

I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
My tear of joy turned into grief
(I don't wanna stand it anymore)

Down where I am that's where darkness rules
The silence shall be only friend

[Demons & Wizards - Touched by the Crimson King '2005][Youtube]

Time flies fast!!!

Time is flying! Another week-end! One after another! I have no idea how time passing: I feel like I wake up at Monday morning and it is Friday night. I can’t tell how the whole week gone, five long days, five boring days. I think USA days have less hours than Bangladesh. Usually I used to do so many things in one week in Bangladesh. Here I am doing nothing for a whole week. It is almost two months: I am in America.

Sometime I wander where I am! Still I am struggling to realize that I am in a different world. I feel like I am dreaming. Is it happened to all? It is really difficult to realize how first time passes here. Every morning I wake up and went to school and came back home at night. That’s it! That is my whole day, my whole week, my whole month, maybe it will be my whole year also.

Every Friday night I see young boys and girls and think I had a life in Bangladesh. I left my life there. It cannot be a life, if it is, then what was that? If not, then what is it? So many questions but no answer! Am I home sick? Until I came to USA the answer was no but now it really difficult for me to answer. When I was in Bangladesh I used to say I don’t have any home but I was stupid enough to realize that the whole country was my home. “Home is where heart is.” Where is my heart? Where? Surely, not here!

Eid Mubarak America

Eid Mubarak America!!! This is my first Eid in America. It was awesome (for some reason American people use this word too much). I wake up at the morning went to lab and start working on my project. After sometime I went for the class, but fortunately or unfortunately the class was cancelled. Came back to my lab and started working for my afternoon presentation. Ooops!!! Presentation is cancelled for this week. Should I be happy? (Answer me) My scheduled office hour for TA thing is today. So I went to the office and I was shocked. I never saw that room empty but today it was!!! Every time at least five to ten people dwell there but today it was completely empty. And I was there for my whole office hours and nobody was there.

Now what do you think? Where is everybody? Surely all of them went to celebrate eid otherwise it cannot be happen. I am the fool went to the lab, office, class and so and so. Therefore, I become my obligation to wish all of Eid Mubarak.

Probably you got the idea about my Eid day. No matter, I hadn’t much activity in Bangladesh too. But it was not like today. Eid is something special to Bangladeshi people. Well, there is not much religious attachment left between Eid and me. But of course there is lot of social attachment. Eid in Bangladesh is not only a religious festival it is social too. I saw my hindu friends buying dresses for Eid. Anyway it was a bad day because I almost did nothing significant today with respect to any perspective. Despite of the Eid thing is not it enough to called it a bad day.

I have cooked two interesting new Item today. First one it is, tuna with onion and Italian creamy sauce. It was good. And second one is still going on “Backed Chicken Wings”. I have not taste it yet. I just put it in my oven and writing all these things. I had a plan to make coleslaw, but now I don’t feel like I will do it. Anyway, Eid Mubarak to Everyone. Hope Eid will bless you with enormous joy and Happiness. And best of wishes from my side!!!

What goes around, Turns around

Shuvo, Mishu and I were sitting in front of a tea stall right across the shuvo’s house. It was nearly 11 pm or something like that. I blond girl came down from the next house and asking for a cigarette. She had ten bucks and she wanted to buy as much as she gets with that. The shop keeper gave her two Benson & Hedges and a match box. She was trying to light her first cigarette right that moment. I don’t know for some reason I feel like that was her first smoke. I asked her, “is this your first smoke?” She was little bit ashamed and replied me,” yes”. I asked her to give it to me and I showed her how to do that.

The very next moment shuvo asked her, “What makes you smoke? As long as we can see you are not a smoker. Why do you came down at night and want to smoke?” She was relieved and sat right across us and replied “I have no other things to do”. She added, “I have been staying at home for last one week, even I haven’t met anybody. I become so frustrated and thought try some smoke at least it will be something new.” She was an American girl, she was from Florida, went to Bangladesh for some research work or something like that. She was a bored American girl in Bangladesh.

I didn’t understand her feelings that day. But I can feel her now in every moment. I had almost forgotten her. But you know for last couple of days I see her face in front of my eyes, her innocent, bored, tired and revolting face. Sometime I feel like I will go out and hit people at least it will be something, something exciting, something new. Now I can feel her feelings: what makes her get out at that night. Now I am a bored Bangladeshi boy here in America.

What do you care what other people think?

I have finished a book today, titled “What do you care what other people think?” - Further Adventure of a Curious Character by Richard Phillips Feynman. This is very similar to his other book, “Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman!” - Adventure of a Curious Character. The narratives are based on Arlene (his first wife). There are some letters of him and letters regarding him. And it contains few of his photographs and few of drawings.

Mostly the book is based on the Challenger investigation known as Space Shuttle Challenger Disaster. He portrays everything with his usual witty style. This part is all about big shots. Here he white washes the top management of NASA. Finally he gives his observation on the reliability of the space shuttle.

It has an interesting chapter titled “Afterthoughts”. This chapter is composed of few thoughts that might be correct or not. The main theme is finally he come up with some ideas about “What other people may think?” So you the book title tickle the obvious question “Does he care or not?” Anyway this was not my intention to mention this chapter. There is another interesting part discussed about integrity and profession. He was trying to relate the integrity of different people with their profession. And he did it fine. There is always question which comes first, people lose integrity because of profession or people chose profession because they do not require integrity?

Finally he ends with the old dilemma, why all these are for? Good or Bad? Titled “The Value of Science”. This is mostly a philosophical part talking about science. He comes up with a proverb of Buddhist religion: “To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of the hell”. The key may be dangerous to use but the key obviously has some value. Without the key we cannot enter into the heaven. It is not the key responsible for any of the Heaven or Hell.

We are all sad when we think of the wondrous potentialities human beings seems to have, as contrasted with their small accomplishments. Again and again people have thought that we could do much better. Those of the past saw in the nightmare of their times a dream for the future. We, of their future, see that their dreams, in certain ways surpassed, have in many ways remained dreams. The hopes for the future today are, in good share, those of yesterday.

- Richard Phillips Feynman

Nearly everyone dislikes war. Our dream today is peace. In peace, man can develop best the enormous possibilities he seems to have. But maybe future men will find that peace, too, can be good and bad. Perhaps peaceful men will drink out of boredom. Then perhaps drink will become the great problem which seems to keep man from getting all he thinks he should out of his abilities.

- Richard Phillips Feynman

It is our responsibilities as scientists, knowing the great progress which comes from a satisfactory philosophy of ignorance, the great progress which is the fruit of freedom of thought, to proclaim the value of this freedom; to teach how doubt is not to be feared but welcomed and discussed; and to demand this freedom as our duty to all coming generations.

- Richard Phillips Feynman

In my dreams, I can fly!

I don’t know why everyone is discouraging me about PhD and Dr. Gruenwald. I haven’t found a single one who encourages me for any of them. That the real tragedy. I heard about a lot that people drop out from PhD but every time I thought what is bad in it. I don’t know yet. But one of the major reasons might be boringness. It is really boring to be in the same place for so long. It could be a good reason.

It will be very difficult to be here for so many years. Norman is a small city, not much things to explore. What the hell I’ll do for rest of the years? I don’t know. But now I am enjoying my works. I start loving it but not too much. That’s the hopeful part of the story. Because if start loving my job I can be here for any amount of time, nothing matters to me.

I have spent very busy days last week. Today I am little bit free: I have a group meeting with a short presentation of my plan, that’s it! Anyway I loose the string, right? I think it is too early for me to decide anything about any of them. Better let the time decide on behalf of myself. I know it works well for me. Right now I am making some small goals and trying to achieve them. Still I believe listening to your heart* will always lead you to the right track.

In my opinion “Be open minded, Wait and See”. Life is too long and there are very few things that can change the end result much. So following your heart is always good. At least in of the day you can tell yourself that you are happy. You will be happy because you are the victim of your own crime. Other way you are the reward of your own virtue. Anyway these are going too much and see I have lost the main string again. Better not to write any more!

*Rassel if you are reading this then probably you will disagree with me. But I can proof mathematically for us that I am right. :D

Cursed or Blessed?

I don’t know why people love me. I have received a phone call from Bangladesh today. It was our former caretaker! His name is “Shajahan”. I never thought that I would receive a call from him. He just called me to know how I am doing here in new situation. I know his condition very well. He is one poorest citizen among the poor in our country. It was very unlikely to receive a call from him. And I heard that he had sacked from his job recently. I don’t know how much it cost to him but I am pretty sure it was the cost of his one meal.

There is nothing to expect from me. He called me just because he does care of me nothing else! I am the bastard don’t know how to love or even how to respect other love. Surely I do not deserve it. Actually his call made me mortified. And you know he is not the only one. There are so many “Shajahan”s in my country do care for me. I received enormous love from so many people. Sometime their love seems burden to me. I don't know why people love me? Is this the curse or bless? I don’t know. Sometime I feel like they are the curse because I can’t recompense their love. Sometime I feel blessed because I know they expect nothing from me. Not even love.

Busy week-end

I am tired of answering so many questions today. Students had a due today and they were making me mad with tons of questions. I am answering though emails. I went to school yesterday just to answer few students. I am bit tired of it. They have so many problems with so many varieties. So this is one of my busiest week-end in Norman.

I went to Ron’s place today. I was there for couple of hours. We had lot of conversations. Dean and Rebecca were also there and we had delicious foods. It was a very good afternoon. I loved it.

And finally I am very anxious about my study. I should spend more hours on my course works. But until now it’s going fine but I am afraid how long it will be. I have decided to spend few hours on my course hour every day. So that it will be lot easier for me.

I think next week will be a very busy week for me. I have to correct student’s home works. I think my research work will be intense on next week. And I have couple of homework dues on next week. So, you know what I can expect!

W for Week-end, W for work!!!

The Last Note of Freedom

Here I am, burnin' man,
Singing the song of my open soul.
Will time pass me?
All my dreams a heaven knows.

I don't wanna be cheated,
I can't go on, in a world where love is beaten.

Rise up burnin' man,
See is the white taken man.
Days of thunder see me shine,
All my dreams turn out fine.

I know the suffering will end, my friend,
When the last note of freedom is rung throughout the land.
I know the hateful will burn,
When the last note of freedom is heard throughout the land.

I know the fear of dying,
Heard it from a meltdown blast.
I know that lord have mercy,
It soon will pass.
I know it.
I don't wanna be cheated,
I can't go on, in a world where love is beaten.
I can't go on.
Where love is defeated.
Can't go on.

(Solo!)

I know the suffering will end, my friend,
When the last note of freedom is rung throughout the land.
I know the hateful will burn,
When the last note of freedom is heard throughout the land.

I know the fear of dying,
Heard it from a meltdown blast.
I know that lord have mercy,
It soon will pass.

We need love.
We gotta want it so bad.
We need it now,
So run for it fast.

I know it,
And the world will be cheated.
I can't go on, in a world where love is defeated.
I know it.
I can't go on.

No, no, no , no, no, no, no
Where love is defeated.
Can't go on, in a world where love's defeated.
Defeated.
No, no, no , no, no, no, no
No, no, no , no, no, no, no

The last note of freedom!

[David Coverdale - Days of Thunder][Youtube]

Life of a Graduate Student

I am kind of stuck with a paper titled, “Spatio-Temporal Association Rule Mining Framework for Estimating Missing Data in Sensor Networks and Analyzing Trend Evolution of Co-evolving Multidimensional Data Streams”. This is based on estimating missing value in sensor network. The approach is called MASTER. I have been reading this paper for last few days. And I am totally helpless. I have already tried with few different ways. I don’t think the topic is difficult. And the whole idea is not too complicated. But still I am helpless to handle it.

In my opinion the organization or the language of this is paper is such that you will lost after couple of paragraph. I guess this is what makes it difficult to understand. I have to build a presentation on this paper. I don’t know what to do? Usually, I have a group meeting and an individual meeting with Dr. Gruenwald every week. In the group meeting I have to present what I did in last week and what is my plan for the next week. :D I wish if I had any!!!

My TA job is going fine. I grade the first homework and still no complain. Little bit pressure is waiting for the future. I hope it will be okie. Dr. Dong is very kind to me. He tries to make most of the things done by himself. And right now, I am preparing myself and my system for the next homework.

And I should read my course work but I am not reading. I have submitted couple of home works and I read what was required to solve them. I think I should read more. I am planning to read in this week-end. I don’t know somehow I can’t manage much time for myself. However, I think everything will be fine very soon. Maybe that day does not exist still I love to dream of that day.

Club 101

Last night I went to a club, Club 101. I knew what it could be because I was aware about such type of club. This is my first day in any club in America. This is not the good one to gather some experience. At least I didn’t feel that this is good one. I mean I didn’t like the crowd. Everything was fine but I feel like they don’t know much variation of people. I found lot of people staring at us like in Bangladeshi people staring at aliens in Bangladesh. It was little bit embracing but you know you have to have lost in first day.

Couple of people tries to intimidate me. But as usual I don’t care. Surely they had some plan but the same trick: don’t care anybody always works. I don’t know why always people try with me. Anyway, this is fine and I enjoy it. Mostly I enjoy the last part when they found I really didn’t give a shit to them.

There was a playboy playmate in the club. I think in every club they have one playboy playmate. Mostly I found her helping other guys to accustom. She was dancing everyone and helping other to find a partner. She seems very interesting character to me, I really enjoyed her role. However as a first experience the whole thing was cool.

Never Too Late

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late
(Three Days Grace - One-X'2005)[Youtube][Wiki]

iLike is so cool!!!

Today, I listened a song from a friend’s profile page using iLike on facebook. After that I have decided to use one in my profile page. I add the iLike application in facebook. Update my favorite artists and songs. In fact I had an iLike account since very beginning of iLike. After adding the iLike I download the desktop utilities of the iLike. And login in my old account after that I tied both of my account together. After that I was stunned for few moments what going one???

The real magical part starts then. Somehow my facebook profile is updated with the songs I played most. Even when I play a song I can see who played it recently!!! This is okie but don’t you think this is too much. In some cases it suggest me few songs that should be in my favorite-list but somehow I missed them. I am impressed!!! There are very few computer application impresses me and this is one of them. I am very interested to see what they are gonna do next days. Here, I am sharing the widget from iLike. Eventually I will add it here.

Host Family

I met an American family here today. They are the first one I have ever met here in Oklahoma. This is one of a kind experience in my life. It was a great experience in my life and loved it so much. You know what my first reaction is: Something is common all over the world, the mom the dad. I am missing them too much today.

Sagar intimidates me about Americans but I found them very close to my mom and dad. I know all people are not same but at least there is a Harun-ur-Rashid and a Shahnaz Parveen here. May be I will meet lot of American family here but you know first cut is the deepest. lolz. I was wandering, so many things are common. May be my mother will be like her if she brought up here, the same intimidating father, the same family value and so forth. The only difference is culture. Just they are from different culture that’s it. I loved it, I loved it so much. I don’t know they liked me or not but I liked them a lot.

They are my host family here in Oklahoma. I don’t know the whole things is all about? But I consider myself lucky that I got such a warm loving host family. They are just wonderful.

Sometime I wonder there are so many things in this world to see to explore. I wish if I could have little of them. I wish if I could walk around the world with my tiny bare foot. I don’t know for some reason the whole thing makes me sad. I wish if I could cry. I am missing you guys, missing you hell of a lot.

Bad Day

I couldn’t sleep last night. Therefore, came to the school early in the morning may be 08:00. Start reading some as usual fucking research papers. Weather is horrible today even I can’t go outside for a while. There was a class at 10:30. After that, those fucking research papers again! It is almost 18:30. I feel very sleepy. The mother-fucker sun will take two more hours to go. As I am fasting today I am hungry too. I couldn’t go back to home before 21:00. A complete mess!

And the most important is my brain is not working. It is completely fucked up. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I spend the whole day in my office and trying to read, but for some reason it doesn’t work. Don’t know what to do. No I am trying with Theory of Computation book. It seems Hebrew to me. Horrible feelings!

My Chinese colleague already went away. I am waiting for the dusk. Tried with Youtube but not much luck. Every moment seems eternal to me. I don’t know what to do or where to go. It’s like I’m trapped in eternity.

You know one funny thing; I didn't use a single word today. My colleague is horrible in English and I don't know Chinese. It is better to learn Chinese than asking him for English. So most of the time, we don’t talk with each other unless some inevitable situations. :D

All The Pretty Horses

Get together

We had a very good get together before we leave Bangladesh. It was nice party. Rassel & Hasib’s activeness (in fact hyper activeness) along with the Helal’s efficacy made it possible. Special thanks to all of them and to the guests too. Here are few photos from that party.

When A Blind Man Cries

If youre leaving close the door.
Im not expecting people anymore.
Hear me grieving, Im lying on the floor.
Whether Im drunk or dead I really aint too sure.
Im a blind man, Im a blind man and my world is pale.
When a blind man cries, lord, you know there aint no sadder tale.

Had a friend once in a room,
Had a good time but it ended much too soon.
In a cold month in that room
We found a reason for the things we had to do.

Im a blind man, Im a blind man, now my room is cold.
When a blind man cries, lord, you know he feels it from his soul.

(Deep Purple - Machine Head'1972)[Youtube][wiki]

Google Insight for Search

Google has released a cool new feature “Google Insight for Search”. With this, you can compare search volume patterns across specific regions, categories, and time frames. This is really a cool feature to get idea about what people thinks right now. You can know which is more popular than others. For business point of view it’s very cool. You can know about your rivals easily.

Until now for me it is total fun. I have tried with lot of keyword and compare the traffic from different regions. I got something very special. I have tried with few keywords that drive little traffic toward my blog. One of them is “social networking”. Using this keyword I compare the traffic from all over the world. Now see the result.

Most of the people of our country are searching for “social networking”. That is very interesting. I have tried with lot of combination but none of the combination brings Bangladesh frontline other than this keyword. I guess you know what I mean. :D Funny, complete funny but it has some insights that you can’t refuse.

First day of Fall

Today is the first day of fall. I had a class today, “Formal Languages”. It is a seminar class for the graduate students. Professor Changwook Kim is the instructor for this class. This is my first class in USA. I thought I would write some of my reaction about my first class. We were twelve students in that class. Class room was adequate for this number of students. I did enjoy the class. I guess this is because of my first class in a new country. I am not gonna give much credit to Professor Changwook Kim. But he is good and he is a very experience professor. He has been taking this course for last ten years.

I was impressed about the crowd. It is the first day of fall and University is full of students. I came here couple of days ago and I didn’t such crowd before. Lot of happy faces was around there. It seems like a festival. Lot of temporary stalls were there representing different clubs and fraternities and so on. It was very similar of my first day at Notre Dame College.