How is life?

Last week was crazy! I worked hard. But this time not to save my ass rather I enjoyed it pretty much. It was birthday at Monday. Hanqing and Lipa surprise me with two surprise birthday parties. This is how my life is going on here. This is America Life. America has a weird kind of thing. Once get here you have to be part of it. Other way it will make you a part of it. What I mean is America is pretty good to absorbing people. That’s why they got so many people from so many places.

Actually October and November are two most busy months. Students used to have midterms, projects, home-works, and presentations and so on. Therefore they can’t manage much time for think about other stuffs. Life is good; this is something real good for foreign students like me.

Well I was sat for write something about my last week. But it turns out that I hadn’t done anything that I can put here. Well I did lot of things last but that will be way too technical for here. So I don’t want to bore my reader with my geeky stuffs. This is my life, this is what I am. Fortunately or unfortunately this is most part of my life.

I am amazed with color of fall here is Oklahoma. Oklahoma got a real colorful fall. All the trees are full of colors. There have so many colors over here. I really wonder how the trees hold so many colors together. They are really wonderful. I simply love it. . . . bla, bla, bla, . . . yuk, yuk, yuk. I want to stop here today because I am not feeling comfy to write anymore.

যাতায়াত

কেউ জানে না আমার কেন এমন হলো।

কেন আমার দিন কাটে না রাত কাটে না
রাত কাটে তো ভোর দেখি না
কেন আমার হাতের মাঝে হাত থাকে না কেউ জানেনা।

নষ্ট রাখীর কষ্ট নিয়ে অতোটা পথ একলা এলাম
পেছন থেকে কেউ বলেনি করুণ পথিক
দুপুর রোদে গাছের নিচে একটু বসে জিরিয়ে নিও,
কেই বলেনি ভালো থেকো সুখেই থেকো
যুগল চোখে জলের ভাষায় আসার সময় কেউ বলেনি
মাথার কসম আবার এসো

জন্মাবধি ভেতরে এক রঙিন পাখি কেঁদেই গেলো
শুনলো না কেউ ধ্রুপদী ডাক,
চৈত্রাগুনে জ্বলে গেলো আমার বুকের গেরস্থালি
বললো না কেউ তরুন তাপস এই নে চারু শীতল কলস।

লন্ডভন্ড হয়ে গেলাম তবু এলাম।

ক্যাঙ্গারু তার শাবক নিয়ে যেমন করে বিপদ পেরোয়
আমিও ঠিক তেমনি করে সভ্যতা আর শুভ্রতাকে বুকে নিয়েই দুঃসময়ে এতোটা পথ একলা এলাম শুশ্রূষাহীন।

কেউ ডাকেনি তবু এলাম, বলতে এলাম ভালোবাসি।

[হেলাল হাফিজ]

Zafar's Birthday wish!!!

Zafar: mama
happy birthday
me: nare mama
bashay
thank u mama
Zafar: May this day never come back to you again..
me: aso kemon ??
hahahaha
Zafar: may you die soon and rot in the bottom of hell..
me: thanx!!!
Zafar: May your soul rambles in the realm of hell..
me: anymore
Zafar: noh not anymore
me: Ooooooooooops!!!
Zafar: you are not even worth cursing more than this
me: :(
Zafar: choot marani..
me: then
Zafar: jonmodine goo khao..
me: :-s
Zafar: raw, putrid, odious chips of shit
r kisu komu na..
jotheshtho shuvo kamona korsi..
me: why???
Zafar: er cheye beshi possible na
eto khatir to nai..
me: ha hah a

Birthday Party

It is always good to have some people far from home. I got a very nice host family here. The word host family is not good rather I would be happy to say they are my family here. I mean they are so nice, I just love them. See not everything is bad here, Ron with father like tone, Diana with mother like fantasy, Cameron with juvenile comments, and I just love them. We had great party today. My birthday is 27^th, Dean, another student from Australia, his birthday is 29^th and Cameron’s birth day is 30^th. We had a birth celebration party today for all three of us. One more thing about Dean, he is the tallest person I have ever met, almost 6 fits 8 inches.

You know it is always difficult to meet with people from other culture. Because there is always chance of one’s culture appears as gaffe to another. So both parties must have open mind to accept it. Ron & Diana are so beautiful in handling these. As usual I talk as less as possible but they never complain. Well I am not telling that this is our culture but this is me. Usually Bangladeshi people love to talk but they are getting exactly opposite idea because I hate to talk. If a gesture works I never spend a word. That’s me!

It was a great party. Ron had made some traditional food called Gumbo and Diana made cupcake. We all enjoyed the food very much. After that we all decorated some Halloween Pumpkins. This was kind of new things to all of us. We all end up with some decoration. At least we didn’t make the mess. And finally I got some wonderful birthday gift, wow! I didn’t expect anybody wish me happy birthday here. Rebecca & Kelly brought some birthday cards. It was so unexpected that first few moments I was speechless.

Back to my last birthday, Apu and Adnan arranged a cake almost at midnight. It was kind of expected because for me Adnan is more parent than friend. That’s a long story I will talk about him later or maybe never. So it is almost another birthday and I have spent one more year. Time flies real fast!

Craziness

This part of my life is called Craziness. I mean it is crazy, real crazy, and super crazy! I wake up at morning and goes bed at night, nothing else. Every day I work for fourteen to fifteen hours. I never thought of this type of life. I know very well how I had completed my undergrad. I wish If had worked ten percent of this! I bet that could make real difference. But right now I am working so hard just to save my ass. What a life I have gotten. Life is crazy. Does anyone know what the hell is waiting after this? Why I am doing all these? Sometime I feel like this is madness!

I have no problem with hard work. I always enjoy working hard. But working for nothing is nothing but madness. It’s complete madness. When I was in Bangladesh I thought hard working is okay. Yes it okay but it seems pointless. I have no good reason for this madness. I never thought about this part. I never thought it will appear as pointless after some time. I am far away from home, far away from family, friends, far away from myself. I am sailing toward infinity and moving far away from everything.

Sailing Ships

Do you remember
Standing on the shore,
Head in the clouds,
Your pockets filled with dreams
Bound for glory
On the seven seas of life,
But, the ocean is deeper than it seems

The wind was with you
When you left on the morning tide,
Set your sail for an island in the sun,
On the horizon, dark clouds up ahead,
For the storm has just begun

Take me with you,
Take me far away,
Lead me to the distant shore

Sail your ship across the water,
Spread your wings across the sky
Take the time to see
Youre the one who holds the key,
Or sailing ships will pass you by

You cry for mercy,
When you think youve lost your way,
You drift alone, if all your hope is gone
So find the strength and you will see
You control, your destiny,
After all is said and done

So take me with you,
Take me far away,
An lead me to the distant shore

Sail your ship across the water,
Spread your wings across the sky
Take the time to see
Youre the one who holds the key,
Or sailing ships will pass,
Sailing ships will pass you,
Sailing ships will pass you by...

Take me with you,
Take me far away,
Well ride the wind across the sky
Spread your wings and you will see
You control, your destiny,
So sailing ships dont pass you by

So take me with you,
Take me far away,
Well ride the wind across the sky
Spread your wings and you will see
You control, your destiny,
So sailing ships dont pass,
So sailing ships dont pass you,
So sailing ships dont pass you by...

Baby, baby, baby, baby,
Youll find that youre the only one
Can sail your ship across the sky

[Whitesnake - Slip of the Tongue '1989][Youtube (unplugged)]

The life of David Gale

At last I got the movie “The life of David Gale”. It has been almost one year since I am waiting for this movie. When I was in Bangladesh I tried different sources but no luck. At last I got it in a movie site. Actually I forgot about the movie but today’s idle time tempted me for a movie and I choose this one. In fact this is my second movie today. First one way not my type: “Death Race”. “The life of David Gale” was in absolute harmony with this kind of sluggish days.

The movie is about death penalty. Professor David Gale a Texas professor is an anti-death activist. Finally he is condemned for rape and murder and subjected to death sentence although he was innocent. He agreed to give an interview in front of woman journalist four days before his death. He left a very short time for the journalist a very short time. That’s the main point of the whole thing and he was subjected.

In my opinion, it is a good one but not like other Kevin Spacey specials. He is one of my favorites. It is worth watching it. At least it is something new. And I didn’t like the actress. I like the plot and the central character.

Week-end again!

Week-end again! But I am not going to let it repeat again. I guess I will be able to find a way out. Actually I will be busy this week-end. I have exam, presentation and most of all I have to save my ass. I have to do something with my research project. So I can expect a busy week-end this week. And tomorrow is game day. So at least I can go to school and pass time with the crowds.

Last week was horrible! I was very busy but it was okay. But most disappointing thing was Dr. Gruenwald white washed me. I am now struggling to save my ass. I am very confused how to get her. Even I had thought of quitting her group too. Bad temperament! Anyway, part of the game, I want see the end and I will.

Apart from all these, more or less eventless life! No event at all, no matter new or old. Every day is an exact mimic of previous day. I am not complaining, I am just telling. "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." – Forrest Gump. And I got it.

I found a very interesting thing today. In facebook my cousin Babu asked Zafar about me. I don’t know why he did it but he did it and Zafar’s reply was great. Gosh… It is his problem he gets bored with everything very quickly. I know he is right. I become bore very quickly. But my friends are so cool that knowing all these things they still love me. I have plan, to tell about my friends one by one but I don’t understand from where I should start. The best thing is I am blessed with friends. I have so many good friends that sometime I feel like I am the luckiest one.

Sepulcher

Sunday!!! A holiday!!! After a long, busy week people wait for Sunday. My room is 15 x 15 x 12. Maybe, much larger for grave. Yes, it is large, large in dimensions. It has ventilation, lights and other kind of cool stuffs but in nature it is a grave. Now it is almost 36 hours I am here, alone all alone. I didn’t see anybody since then. Would you please tell me what is the difference? Can you imagine, what that really means? It sucks!!! I don’t want any more week-end. I don’t. I will be sick if it continues. I can take it anymore. Even can’t concentrate on my study. Because this loneliness killing me.

When I was in Bangladesh, I opt for reclusion. But now I know what it really means. I am becoming sick. What can I do? How can I break it? I have tried to scream but it didn’t work. Even music doesn’t work well, internet, television nothing, nothing works. I am shivering because of my fear of loneliness. I fear, I fear to be alone!

Am I alive? I don’t think so. What should I do? I want to cry, please God I want some tears! Please! Is this life? Is it really worth to be here? Why? Why I’ll be here? Please, anybody give me a reason to be here. One single reason! I hate this individualism, I really hate it. I am going insane slowly but surely.

Turing Machine

I knew about Turing Machine from my first semester. But for some reason I feel like I should compile the basic characteristics of Turing Machine. It is worth to share here, because Turing Machine is one of the most fundamental concepts of computer science. I tried to put the very basic things about it.

Turing machines, first described by Alan Turing, are simple abstract computational devices intended to help investigate the extent and limitations of what can be computed [1].
1. A Turing machine is a kind of state machine. At any time the machine is in any one of a finite number of states. Instructions for a Turing machine consist in specified conditions under which the machine will transition between one state and another.
2. A Turing machine has an infinite one-dimensional tape divided into cells. The tape has one end, at the left say, and stretches infinitely far to the right. Each cell is able to contain one symbol, either ‘0’ or ‘1’.
3. The machine has a read-write head, which at any time scanning a single cell on the tape. This read-write head can move left and right along the tape to scan successive cells.
4. The action of a Turing machine is determined completely by
      a. The current state of the machine
      b. The symbol in the cell currently being scanned by the head and
      c. A table of transition rules, which serve as the “program” for the machine.
5. Each transition rule is a 4-tuple: < State_curr, Symbol, State_next, Action > which can be read as saying “if the machine is in state State_curr and the current cell contains Symbol then move into state State_next taking Action”.
6. The actions available to a Turing machine are either to write a symbol on the tape in the current cell, or to move the head one cell to the left or right, which we will denote by the symbols « and » respectively.
7. If the machine reaches a situation in which there is not exactly one transition rule specified, i.e., none or more than one, then the machine halts.

Some of the best sources:
[1] Turing Machine, Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.
[2] Turing Machine, Wolfram Math World.
[3] Turing Machine, Famous or Infamous Wikipedia.
[4] Turing Machine, Lego Pages.
[5] Turing Machine, Encyclopedia Britannica.

আমার কিছু ভালো লাগে না

আমার কিছু ভালো লাগে না। মনে হয় কোনো একটা ছোটো শহরে গিয়ে আবার জীবন শুরু করি। এই বড়ো শহর গুলো আর ভালো লাগে না। সিরসেন্ধু র ভাষায় এই কুম্ভিপাকে আমি আর পাক খেতে চাই না। কোনো একটা অক্ষাত ছোটো শহরে যাব, একটা ছোটো দোকান দিব, জীবন কেটে যাবে। পারি না, পারি না, অনেক লোভ, অনেক চাহিদা। কই যে যাচ্ছি, কই যে যাইতে চাই, কে জানে? আমি মুক্তি চাই, মুক্তি।

Unofficial holiday

Can you remember the news “Bangladeshi Students say no to exams during World Cup”? Well I was a student of that institution, BUET. It is true that it was too much but we are not the only one. Today is Friday: OU vs. Texas game tomorrow. And OU is unofficially close today. What do you think, we are not alone. There are lots more crazy people are out there. But the difference is they know how to handle it.

According to Dr. Kim, few years back it was an official holiday, but now it is not. Because someone argued that it looks odd to declare official holiday on such event, therefore they come up with an idea. There will be no official holiday but unofficially there will be no class today. The whole thing is the idea is good. Because in this way they were able make everyone happy and attain the win-win-condition.

Now came to point, BUET usually stay closed at least for two month a year. It is not difficult for anybody to set up the schedule in such a way that both party remain happy. But I don’t know why they don’t do that. I don’t know many times they will repeat the same situation again and again. But still I believe BUET can handle that like “PL picao”. This is not because they are the best it because they operate in very different fashion than others.

Down where I am

Isn't it great to see how life begins
Things may change, let the joy begin
Can you hear this new life crying
Breed it out, it will be worth it
Show me your newborn smile

(Please tell me why)
I don't wanna hold you
(Please tell me why)
I don't wanna see you
'Cause even your smile hurts
Oh it hurts like hell

Isn't it good to see how life begins
There's no sin and there's no crime
Down where I am there's no bitter end at all
This bitterness is endless, keeps going on and on

I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
Even birth can bear disgrace
I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
Or even the smile upon your face

I fear my heart and fear my soul
And all the things that are unknown
There's a chance things will turn wrong, my friend
Far too fast I'm losing ground
Well, let's face it here and now
You're not wellcome you should know

I fear my heart and fear my soul
Life goes on it surely will
Without me it will wither
Will I ever see light again
Will I ever see light again
Oh life goes on

I don't wanna hold you
I don't wanna see you
My tear of joy turned into grief
(I don't wanna stand it anymore)

Down where I am that's where darkness rules
The silence shall be only friend

[Demons & Wizards - Touched by the Crimson King '2005][Youtube]

Time flies fast!!!

Time is flying! Another week-end! One after another! I have no idea how time passing: I feel like I wake up at Monday morning and it is Friday night. I can’t tell how the whole week gone, five long days, five boring days. I think USA days have less hours than Bangladesh. Usually I used to do so many things in one week in Bangladesh. Here I am doing nothing for a whole week. It is almost two months: I am in America.

Sometime I wander where I am! Still I am struggling to realize that I am in a different world. I feel like I am dreaming. Is it happened to all? It is really difficult to realize how first time passes here. Every morning I wake up and went to school and came back home at night. That’s it! That is my whole day, my whole week, my whole month, maybe it will be my whole year also.

Every Friday night I see young boys and girls and think I had a life in Bangladesh. I left my life there. It cannot be a life, if it is, then what was that? If not, then what is it? So many questions but no answer! Am I home sick? Until I came to USA the answer was no but now it really difficult for me to answer. When I was in Bangladesh I used to say I don’t have any home but I was stupid enough to realize that the whole country was my home. “Home is where heart is.” Where is my heart? Where? Surely, not here!

Eid Mubarak America

Eid Mubarak America!!! This is my first Eid in America. It was awesome (for some reason American people use this word too much). I wake up at the morning went to lab and start working on my project. After sometime I went for the class, but fortunately or unfortunately the class was cancelled. Came back to my lab and started working for my afternoon presentation. Ooops!!! Presentation is cancelled for this week. Should I be happy? (Answer me) My scheduled office hour for TA thing is today. So I went to the office and I was shocked. I never saw that room empty but today it was!!! Every time at least five to ten people dwell there but today it was completely empty. And I was there for my whole office hours and nobody was there.

Now what do you think? Where is everybody? Surely all of them went to celebrate eid otherwise it cannot be happen. I am the fool went to the lab, office, class and so and so. Therefore, I become my obligation to wish all of Eid Mubarak.

Probably you got the idea about my Eid day. No matter, I hadn’t much activity in Bangladesh too. But it was not like today. Eid is something special to Bangladeshi people. Well, there is not much religious attachment left between Eid and me. But of course there is lot of social attachment. Eid in Bangladesh is not only a religious festival it is social too. I saw my hindu friends buying dresses for Eid. Anyway it was a bad day because I almost did nothing significant today with respect to any perspective. Despite of the Eid thing is not it enough to called it a bad day.

I have cooked two interesting new Item today. First one it is, tuna with onion and Italian creamy sauce. It was good. And second one is still going on “Backed Chicken Wings”. I have not taste it yet. I just put it in my oven and writing all these things. I had a plan to make coleslaw, but now I don’t feel like I will do it. Anyway, Eid Mubarak to Everyone. Hope Eid will bless you with enormous joy and Happiness. And best of wishes from my side!!!