Friday, May 29, 2009

...look closer

Human beings are wonderful creation of God. Every human being is just wonderful. Every human being has something very original, something very beautiful in him/her. It’s my stupidity if I fail to notice it. It is my duty to identify it and appreciate it. It’s my responsibility to learn from it. If I fail to get it, I will lose something. I’ll miss a wonderful thing. It really doesn’t matter to him/her. Human beings are colorful butterfly. It is really stupid to judge someone. There is no such a thing, no such metric that can judge a human.

I wish if I could build a scrapbook where I would put the names and beauties and how I saw them of all the human beings I have ever met in my entire life. Sometimes I feel tempted to write something here in my blog about some peoples. But I feel like it is not a good idea to write something like that. Because the way I see them is very personal. They are partially real and partially my creation. I believe every human being is partially real and partially imagination to another one. “American Beauty” is one of my all time favorite. It portrays a wonderful picture of beauty. The beauty is not something an object has it is something you have to put on an object.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I am excited!!!

I have been trying to sleep for last two hours. Sometimes nothing helps. I had kind of insomnia. But apparently I am good since last year. I feel like I couldn’t sleep tonight. I guess this is not because of insomnia this is because of something else. This is because I am very excited; I am very excited about my research. Today is one of those “aha” moments for student like me.

I have run myriad of computer experiment today. Finally my experiment shows absolute harmony with my theory and my theory supports my assumptions perfectly. So now I have theory build on mathematics and statistics and I have computer experiments based on real data. The best part is both of them agree with each other. It seems like I found something interesting.

If I fail to find any new problem before Tuesday morning I am going to present my results to Dr. Gruenwald and another professor from other university (I forgot the name :( ). Let see what is waiting till Tuesday.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Bangladeshi-American

I came across some first generation/ second generation Bangladeshi-Americans here. I really feel pity for them. My intension is not to offend anyone rather express my feelings. Specially, I feel bad for the innocent kids. I feel like they are kind of confused, they are suffering for identity crisis. They don’t know what they are doing, where they really belong, what fantasy culture they are exercising.

South-Asian culture is very different from other parts of the world. They possess a kind of conservative culture. Actually they had a kind of conservative culture. But now things become changed. That conservative culture doesn’t exist even in South-Asia because of globalization. If I say it is only because of globalization then it seems like I am condemning other cultures. Other cultures spoil our culture. But that is not the truth. Globalization is a reason but to me the change was kind of obligatory. The change was obligatory because of time and pace. Night clubs, Bars are becoming popular in Dhaka. These are not problems, these are the changes. Ten years back from now, a pre-marriage relationship was kind of humiliating, people tried to hide out these issues but now it is not like before. Now-a-days having no pre-marriage relationship is more humiliating. Things have changed a lot. But Bangladeshi-American culture is quite interesting.

I clearly see two categories here. The first group tries to adopt the American culture. The problem is people always adopt the bad things first. So, this group adopts all the bad part of American culture. And of course they adopt some good parts also. In order to be more American some even start denying their origin. The problem is if you don’t have an origin you can’t draw a circle. They don’t know their boundary.

The second group tries hard and soul to hold the culture. The problem with that, they are completely unaware of the changes and the real world. They practice an imaginary culture that even doesn’t exist. Most of the cases the culture they practice is just an exaggeration. To me, they live in a prison cell. Nothing changes their life, not Bangladesh, not America, nothing. They love to stay in dark and that is their culture.

Of course there are some minor variations. Some really do not care any of these two; some have a weird mixture and so on. They all have their different life style. I found both of the extreme variation very funny. I know a Bangladeshi-American being who hates brown skin again I know another one who wants to be a perfect Bangladeshi but doesn’t know how it really is. Surely we don’t want any of these for our future generation. If I don’t know my culture I’ll never know any other culture as well.

Note: I tried the keyword Bangladeshi-American and found the wiki page. In the right side there are couples of photos and I was curious about the rightmost one in the bottom and found she is a porn star. ha ha ha...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Am I?

For some reason, the word “escapist” has been bothering me since this morning. Am I an escapist? Do I love to escape from everything? Sometimes I feel like I am! I am escaping from everything. I escaped from my country, my parents, and my life everything. I am running and running and running… when I get tired, I respite for a while, I feel like I am abandoned. What I am escaping from? Nobody is chasing me but still I am escaping. Am I escaping from myself?

I talk to my mom this morning. She thinks I am a good escapist, I know how to escape from everything. In my entire life I try to escape from people. Maybe that’s why I am curious about people too. Do I really want to be an escapist? I don’t have the answer. I believe everyman is an escapist. Everyman is escaping from something.

Some people believe scientific world is the best place for hide-out. It is the paradise of escapists. The good thing is it can make a person busy for his/her entire life. Maybe my current life is a good hide-out of my previous life. I was tired; I was frustrated; I was confused; I was bored and so I decided to come here. Babu and I had planned a lot to move to a small city where nobody knows us. I wish if we could.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Moving

Moving is a tedious job. No matter how many things you have, it is tiresome. I thought I have only two luggages. I could not realize when my two luggages burgeon into so many things. At least it seemed like hell lot. Anyway finally I am done. I moved to an on-campus furnished apartment.

If you moved out from an apartment you have clean it up the whole thing. The problem is the apartment management wants the apartment cleaner than before. So this time I took some pictures before moving in into my new apartment. I believe they would not have much use. The good part is my new apartment is very near to the campus and I will be able to walk to my office anytime I want.

I have cleaned my whole apartment and moved all my stuff. I am very tired right now. Apparently I am fine right now.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Interdependent Risk Analysis

The last one “Interdependent Risk Analysis.” It is more close to economics course than computer science course. In fact in some universities it is offered by economics department. It was an excellent course. I loved it. It was full mathematics and various types of analysis. But unfortunately it is not a regular course, so I am not sure they are going to offer it in spring or not.

I have to form a group for this course also. We have studied John Nash papers and various new ideas in game theory. Game theory is fascinating branch. I wish I could do some work on this branch. I am planning to do some work during the summer if I really can manage some time. But I believe this breach is worth looking at. Here I attached our presentation and final report.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Intelligent Robotics

Robotics is not truly my forte. I had decided to do something different so I took the robotic course. It ended up well for me; at least I want to believe it went well. The instructor was excellent and it was quite interesting. But it requires lot of work to do. I was quite struggling at the beginning of the semester with this course. The workload is really extreme. Most of the students dropped in the middle of the semester. We ended up with 30 percent. And International students don’t like this course at all because they have other things to do. They don’t like much load other than research. I am the only international graduate student complete this course. Even my professor asked me to drop this course. Anyway I am done with it and I am fine. In fact I am very proud of myself by completing this course.

I had to write a technical comparison paper based on five Multi-agent robotic approaches. Then there was a group project. Our project title was “Active object recognition”. We ended up well. I have shared my technical paper and project report along with presentation with this post. Here is a brief summery of what we did. Actually OU has a plan to send some rovers in moon and all the works are done on the context of that mission, the Sooner Luner Schooner Mission.

Advance Database Management

Probably I have finished all parts of my advanced database course. Personally I am not a big fan of this course. The instructor was okay. But she discussed lot of topics without much detail. In my opinion it doesn’t have much depth in it. She tried to inform the students about current technology. I am not a big fan just knowing something. So I didn’t enjoy the class. Personally, I would not recommend anyone to take this course.

There was a research project as a part of the course. It was kind of okay. I would be more benefitted if she worked with us. And another thing is I am not a good fit for working in group. Our project title was “A simple benchmark for DSMS”. I believe our approach was novel than any other approached out there. In that sense we did a good job. But I am not happy, we could go much beyond than where we finished. I have shared our presentation and final report. That’s the whole point of writing all of these.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

What's Next

Just the final week is ahead of me now. I am happy. I am little bit free till finals. I have lot of things to do after the final. In fact I am pretty excited. I am eagerly to waiting to see my ideas in action. It will be fun real fun, one of those great moments of my life. I am expecting to complete the whole thing by the end of May. At least I want to.

I have a stupid, dumb presentation during the summer. I always hate this kind of power point presentation. I always find it stupid. I have found an article in favor of me. I am planning to put some comments in my slides from this article. :D

I am planning to work eighteen hours a day during the summer. I am moving to the on-campus housing, so that I’ll able to access my office anytime. I believe summer will be a very busy time for me. At least it is one of those times which shape the rest of the events of a mundane life. Let me see how far I can go.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Stupid Zafar got married!!!

I can’t believe stupid Zafar got married!!! I don’t know what I to say :( He sent me an email with subject “Mama got married today...You now get married too .. do not wait for me... you wont get me :D” damn man!!! Fall of another wicket :( I still can’t believe it! Whom I will discuss my stupid philosophies, my pointless arguments :( I should not be sad, I should be happy, “May Allah bless them”. When Dew got married I was not shocked much because he was a kind of family guy. But this time, I am really shocked. We were like brothers. I still can see those sleepless nights in Polashi, in Shahid Minar. All the best my wishes for his conjugal life! We always used to say, if we were gay we would probably marry each other. Unfortunately we are not :( I am unfortunate because I believe no girl would understand me like he does.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

amar bhalo lagtese na

Why am I doing this? Where do I want to go? What the hell I want? It’s funny asking these questions. I have been asking these questions repeatedly. Zafar thinks I become bore of anything very quickly. I know he is right, he is damn right. When I start something, I feel very excited. Over the time it becomes too dull to me. Sometimes I start hating it. The semester is almost over, just a week left. Today, I am feeling bad, kind of desolate. So, I came here.

Actually I found, I come here when I feel bad, I feel lonely. That’s why my blog is full of stupid verses. I am a stupid! What is the appropriate English word for “bhalo lagena”? I am feeling bad? I am feeling depressed? I am feeling miserable? What? I guess there is no appropriate English word for it. I found an interesting thing while I am writing this. Words lose its emotions when it is translated to another language or maybe I am bad in translation. But I couldn’t find an appropriate word in English with same emotions the word “bhalo lagena” has. Or maybe it doesn’t have that much emotion I thought of. I am just exaggerating the whole thing. Whatever it is, “amar bhalo lagtese na”.

Blog is very good company of a forlorn life. I feel like, I love it more and more day-by-day. At least it is always here waits for me. It has infinite time for me. Whenever I want to come here I can, no matter what time or place. What the hell I am writing :(