When A Blind Man Cries

If youre leaving close the door.
Im not expecting people anymore.
Hear me grieving, Im lying on the floor.
Whether Im drunk or dead I really aint too sure.
Im a blind man, Im a blind man and my world is pale.
When a blind man cries, lord, you know there aint no sadder tale.

Had a friend once in a room,
Had a good time but it ended much too soon.
In a cold month in that room
We found a reason for the things we had to do.

Im a blind man, Im a blind man, now my room is cold.
When a blind man cries, lord, you know he feels it from his soul.

(Deep Purple - Machine Head'1972)[Youtube][wiki]

Google Insight for Search

Google has released a cool new feature “Google Insight for Search”. With this, you can compare search volume patterns across specific regions, categories, and time frames. This is really a cool feature to get idea about what people thinks right now. You can know which is more popular than others. For business point of view it’s very cool. You can know about your rivals easily.

Until now for me it is total fun. I have tried with lot of keyword and compare the traffic from different regions. I got something very special. I have tried with few keywords that drive little traffic toward my blog. One of them is “social networking”. Using this keyword I compare the traffic from all over the world. Now see the result.

Most of the people of our country are searching for “social networking”. That is very interesting. I have tried with lot of combination but none of the combination brings Bangladesh frontline other than this keyword. I guess you know what I mean. :D Funny, complete funny but it has some insights that you can’t refuse.

First day of Fall

Today is the first day of fall. I had a class today, “Formal Languages”. It is a seminar class for the graduate students. Professor Changwook Kim is the instructor for this class. This is my first class in USA. I thought I would write some of my reaction about my first class. We were twelve students in that class. Class room was adequate for this number of students. I did enjoy the class. I guess this is because of my first class in a new country. I am not gonna give much credit to Professor Changwook Kim. But he is good and he is a very experience professor. He has been taking this course for last ten years.

I was impressed about the crowd. It is the first day of fall and University is full of students. I came here couple of days ago and I didn’t such crowd before. Lot of happy faces was around there. It seems like a festival. Lot of temporary stalls were there representing different clubs and fraternities and so on. It was very similar of my first day at Notre Dame College.

:)

Actually I don’t know what the fuck I am doing now. Last week was a busy week, well not too much busy. Rather I would say I am becoming little bit lazy these days. So I don’t get much time for doing lot of things. I had slept for twelve to fourteen hours every day. What the fuck??? I don’t know!!!

I guess I didn’t left much moribund word for this alien life, because I didn’t know how much it sucks. So I can’t write much. But surely it the cruel part of my life. Either I have to be cruel enough or … or … may be rollback, may be something else. I thought I am cruel enough, yes I am cruel enough but it is too little for an Alien life although it was more than enough for Bangladesh. First thing this life taught me is how to be cruel, more cruel and more and more.

Last week I had written few posts offline. I will publish them very soon. Hopefully cox will setup their connection by tomorrow in my home. I will be working as a TA and RA for the next semester. I met the professors. They defined my responsibilities and duties. What I understand is I have to run faster and faster until I break down. Then I will be declared as obsolete and they will send me back. Sometime it reminds me “Run Forrest, Run”. This is the start.

Sometime I laughed; this is the life I pursued for last one year. No, this is not that life. That was colored by my dreams. That was not so cruel. This is my mistake. I forgot that shits are everywhere, everything shits. And it should be in the dreams also. Let me see how far I can go…

Norman in my eyes

Norman is a little city in Oklahoma. People of Norman seems very happy to me. All they have a very stable life unlike big cities. They don’t have much to achieve or to lose. They are pretty happy with their life. They are doing the same things repetitively and tirelessly. Even they don’t to explore much: at best, Oklahoma City not more than that. This is very common in Oklahoma too. I met one who never went beyond Oklahoma. Norman is very slow. It seems slower than Dhaka to me.

Most of the bread n’ butter of its inhabitants comes from OU. OU is the source of their livelihood. Most of the people are related to OU directly or indirectly. People usually goes to office at 9 am and came back 5 pm. In week end you will see lot of drunken people. They don’t have much room for their entertainment. Few clubs, bars and so on. The most important is Norman will not push to the rat race.

They are pretty habituated with international student. This is because they see lot of international graduate student every year. Lot of international student came here every year to pursue their higher studies. And most important is they like the international students. And they know very well how to deal with them.

Most of the residents are not permanent here. You see lot of young people around here. I guess all are related to OU and come here to stay for limited time.

There is not much place for natural beauty here. But the government tried their best to make it beautiful. Most of the houses and trees are stereotype. You wouldn’t see much variation here.

New life

I start loving my new life. I got my own apartment, own life. Nothing to worry about: It’s little bit hard but it has its own beauty. Life is different here, if you can cope up with it, it will good you. I start my work: reading papers and other stuffs. More or less it is good fun.

I always enjoy exploring new places. The problem was it was quite a different than my home country. So it takes time to start life here. But it is good. I have met so many people here, all are very helpful. I think overall Americans are very helpful. And they are very familiar with multicultural environment unlike us. I saw nobody staring at me and mumbling “What the hell is this”. I made lot of mistakes and they correct me to do thing in proper way.

Still I can’t find any reason to stay here. I mean to stay for period of time is ok but stay for the whole life does not mean anything. I have my family in Bangladesh, my friends, mates and so and so: so many people are there. Why I would stay here? It means nothing to me. But I know I have to stay here for couple of year; that is the only distressing part of the story. Other than this is everything is fine.

I don’t have any friend yet. I have met couple of people here but not much intimacy. Actually I didn’t find anyone of my type. May be I have to wait but I am enjoying this reclusion. In my country I was always enclose with different people but I am alone here. And you one interesting thing: I start loving this solitude. (Rassel always used a quote, “Lexicologists employ the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of alone and ‘loneliness’ for misery”, that’s why I am using the word ‘solitude’)

I know life will not be as smooth as it seems right now. But who cares, enjoy the present. I have so many good and bad memories in Bangladesh. I am missing them. At the same time I am exploring new experiences. That’s the trade off, that’s the main part of the life. Unless you explore you will go nowhere, if you explore you will go somewhere. May be bad may be good but it is different, different than previous one. This is the main point of living.

Everything is extreme here

Everything is extreme here like the sun. It has been raining for two days without any break. When I came here it was pretty hot. Now it is raining, raining cats n’ dogs for two days. Don’t know when it will finish. In Bangladesh I didn’t see such raining very often; I mean this type of rain is very unusual in Bangladesh. Something that everyone notices here is weather comparative to Bangladesh. They are surviving in extreme weather condition; comparing to them Bangladesh’s weather is much friendly. They are fighting against these sorts of extreme weather condition. Probably this is why these people are stronger than us. You must have much strength to fight against this extreme weather. At least Darwin’s theory says that.

Week-end

Last week-end was great. We went places in Oklahoma: Brick town, Lower Brick town, Lake Thunder bird, down town etc. It was full moon (Sturgeon Moon in Native American) that night and we were in the lake for the whole night. It was gorgeous. Everything was fine except companies. I am missing my friends very much.

Now-a-days I am looking for a reason to stay here. Everything is fine here; still this is not my place. I don’t feel like I am supposed to be here. I am supposed to be where? I don’t know the answer yet. I will sort it out, one day I’ll sort it out. I am so confused, so helpless and tired. I am really very very tired.

TA Training

Now I going through a TA training program titled “International Teaching Assistant (ITA) Program” organized by Program for Instructional Innovation. This is the program to develop teaching skill in class room. One of the responsibilities of the TA role here is to instruct in undergraduate class room. And most of the under graduate students are came from America. So the university is worried about their instructors. And that’s why they arrange similar kind of training program for the foreign instructors.

Teaching is a little bit difficult to me. I don’t even like to teach in my mother language, how can I like to teach in a foreign language. This is absurd! Totally absurd! I have already talked with my professor that is there any other way without TA. She suggested me not worry about, all these are formalities just to keep the department quite. So hopefully things are going to be so. I hate teaching! This is a weird job!

Anyway, the instructors of the ITA program are very helpful and at the same time hopeful about us. They think one day they will be successful on teaching us how to teach. I don’t think so! I really don’t think so! The whole session is interesting at least they have tried a lot to make it interesting. So there is lot of fun, at least I am trying to enjoy it.

One more interesting to notice, I didn’t see so varieties of people together from different countries before. Bangladesh doesn’t have this kind of multicultural environments. Last few days I have met so many people around the world. This is really a good experience at the same time new experience too. And I am enjoying seeing them together. It’s a great fun!!!

Address!!!

I have started living here (marked in the map). After all the pains regarding apartment I have decided to stay here with Sagar. Here is my current address,

Md. Shiblee Sadik
1017 Drake Drive, Apt – E
Norman, Ok 73071
USA.

This is not too far from OU campus not too close: around 30 min walking distance. Hopefully everything will be fine soon. This is in Springfield village. Hopefully in this way one day I will get my home.

View Larger Map

Conversation!!!

Dear Shiblee,

I recall my departure from home, when I decided to go to Siberia to look for a job in rocket research environment. It was really shocking: I arrived on the day of my birthday with 40C fever, no place where to stay overnight, no job, etc. And it was October late afternoon.

Leaving home even in your much lucky situation is always a shock. And you are very young and I assume from very loving warm family with deep family traditions of the East.

My mom begged me not to go. Yet I went through enormous hardship of life in the USSR with all sorts of discriminations. And I have no regrets: my classmates who decided to stay close to home did not achieve much in life professionally, although maybe they were happier as human beings, since scientific environs at the beginning of life are only partial compensation for loneliness.

But you made right decision.

And I really wish you the best.

BV

----- Original Message -----

From: Shiblee

To: ***** ********

Sent: Friday, August 08, 2008 12:41 PM

Subject: New in USA

Dear Professor ***********,

I am very glad to let you know I reached at Oklahoma safe and sound. I just got my lab now. Still I am struggling to arrange a apartment for myself. And I have finished all my paper works here. Things are little bit shocking for me. Because this is complete new experience in my life. I am trying hard to cope up with the new situation.

Wish me good luck for my new odyssey.
--
Md. Shiblee Sadik

Mother Love

I don't want to sleep with you
I don't need the passion too
I don't want a stormy affair
To make me feel my life is heading somewhere
All I want is the comfort and care
Just to know that my woman gives me sweet -
Mother Love

I've walked too long in this lonely lane
I've had enough of this same old game
I'm a man of the world and they say that I'm strong
But my heart is heavy, and my hope is gone

Out in the city, in the cold world outside
I don't want pity, just a safe place to hide
Mama please, let me back inside

I don't want to make no waves
But you can give me all the love that I crave
I can't take it if you see me cry
I long for peace before I die
All I want is to know that you're there
You're gonna give me all your sweet -
Mother Love, uh huh

Mother love

My body's aching, but I can't sleep
My dreams are all the company I keep
Got such a feeling as the sun goes down
I'm coming home to my sweet -
Mother Love

Mother Love
Mother Love

(Queen - Made in Heaven'1985-1995)[Youtube]
(Words and Music by Brian May and Freddie Mercury)

Random Thoughts

Life is an interesting thing. Every time I wonder what is life. I am living the life of a drifter. Babu always talked about the life of drifter. I didn’t understand what it is until I get here. I start drifting across the world. This is first time I feel what is called culture, society. I was not that much gregarious in my usual life in Bangladesh. But still I am missing the society the friends the culture everything.

You know this country was completely unknown to me. I start knowing this country, their culture everything. Sometime I wonder they have any culture either. May be no culture is their culture. American can absorb anything, that’s why this is the country of immigrant. This is true they are absorbing everything. Nobody in the street cares if I drop a junk in the street; they just pick it up and drop it into the trash can. They never complain about your style.

American never cares where you from are; they have the quality to take you as their own. I found most of them very helpful. Until now they are very helpful to me. I have not seen any racist yet. I guess I like them. Sooners are more conservative than other American people but still ok.

I can’t but say few words about Bengali immigrants. They are very very interesting. They don’t have any culture. America can absorb any culture except Bengali one. Most of them maintain a different community called Bengali community. They arrange party for themselves and invite themselves. They are pretty weird. They don’t know anything about Bengali culture still they pretend to do so. I met few Bengalis who have been living here for couples of years still haven’t mingled with any American. They are weird. They always talk about their property in Bangladesh. They fist question they ask you “How many dollars you earn here in USA and among them how many you can save for buying a new property.” They afraid of mingled with Americans. If anyone does so they declare them as outlaws. They possess a deep hatred for them. Even they want to mingle with Indians. They keep a deep for Chinese, I don’t know why?

Most of the Bengali students are now here to pursue their study rather to earn money (Of course there are exceptions, few are doing very good indeed). I don’t know what the hell they will do with that hell of lot money. Of course money is important but not more than life. They don’t have any life. I can’t cope up with them and I don’t want to. May be I am wrong, I am an eternal repiner. It is not always that I am right but these are my reactions for the very first time. May be they will change but right now I don’t want to do so.

New in Oklahoma

Still I am struggling to manage an internet connection for myself. So I am unable to post regularly. And I guess this problem will remain until mid-august. This is a new part of my life, completely different than any previous experience. I am really excited. Everyday I am going through the new situation. Actually I am adapting, adapting for the changed situation. I don’t find any converter for my laptop’s power plug. So my laptop is out power as well.

I am passing more or less interesting days: ambling around the OU campus and Norman city, trying to figure out daily stuffs like food-shop, shopping, laundry etc. May be it will take time cope with new environments.

American football is very popular here and OU football team is very famous. The university football team is called sooner. Here is sooner everywhere in Oklahoma. I mean everybody is using the name for their own marketing purpose. University has a giant stadium for their football team (much larger than our National Stadium).

It is pretty hot now in Oklahoma, 105-110F. Usually I am not habituated with such temperature. But the other part is humidity is very very low. So it becomes tolerable for me.

Norman is a small city. We need to go to Oklahoma City for shopping and other stuffs. There are few shops there in Oklahoma but they are too expensive and too small for all type stuffs like halal chicken. It is quite difficult to survive here without personal car. I have to think about it later (I don’t know what to do?). Other than that it is pretty cool city.

OU is a very prestigious institution in Oklahoma. Few departments like Geology, Petroleum are very famous. Computer Science is relatively new department: twenty to thirty faculties. But few professors are very powerful and they got enormous amount of funding. Few are doing great in research. The most important part is the department is rising and they hiring new faculty.

Every thing is big in US

Now I am in Oklahoma: first time in US. First thing you notice when you will be here their weird size. I guess everything is big in US. Everything is weird: Cokes, Meals everything. And most of all American got the weirdest body structure. I saw lot of obese Bangladeshi in my country but none of them is comparable to usual one. Ok, let talk about an example: in immigration office I saw a police officer her vital statistics might be 50-40-100. I never saw such weird body structure before. After that I saw hundred of such body structure.

In airport I asked for a small coke and waiter supplied me a glass of coke which contains one liter ok coke. I was starring at the glass and told her, “Excuse me, I asked for a small one” she replied me that that was their small one! Such a weird nation!!!