Fields Of Gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Among the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
As you lie in fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

[Eva Cassidy][Youtube]

Boring Sundays

Sundays are boring without very few exceptions. So far most of my Sundays are boring, dull and stupid. In few Sundays I went to work just to feel better. But it is wise to work seven days a week. I believe it reduces the productivity. I try not to work on Sundays just to forget everything so that I can make a good start on Mondays with fresh ideas. The problem is if don’t do any work the twenty four hours become so huge that I just can’t find a way to spent such a huge day. Twenty-four-hours seems like an eternity to me.

It is almost 5 o’clock. I wake up around 7 or 8 today. Since then I am looking for something to do. I have spent almost nine hours without doing any tangible thing. I am so stupid. What I have done so far? I didn’t have breakfast because I was busy surfing internet (Swear! no important thing at all). I had lunch because I was feeling bad headache due to starvation. I took a shower before that. Then I start surfing again and till now I am doing that stupid thing. In Sundays I don’t even like to talk with others. Sundays are lazy, real lazy!

I am planning to cook some fish today. I have not been cooking since May. In fact I will not cook today either, I will just fry the fish. What else I could do? I have two ongoing projects, I will not tell it now, but I don’t feel like working on any of them. I think I can do one thing; I can call my mom today. But I need to wait till ten o’clock for that. How about if I listen some music now? Let me try. Anyway Sundays are boring! dull! and stupid!

my boring stuff

blogger buzz

Tonight I feel like to write something, I am not sure what to write. So I was surfing other’s blog. I do it quite a lot. I love to read other people blogs. My reader account is full other blogs. Reading a blog is like experiencing the same thing the author does. Some people write so well that anybody just can feel acquainting the whole thing by reading their posts. Unfortunately I am not one of those fellows :( But at least I am trying; I am trying to picture my feelings, my experiences, my everyday life. Anyway, I found a post in blogger buzz. They have invited to write something and share with them. As usual, I wanna give it a shot!!!

My story! My story is pretty little. In fact I am a kid in blogger world compare to the other blogger. I am not a native English speaker; in fact I was terrified about this language when I was a kid. Actually this stupid language was a kind of phobia for me for a long time. At last time had come to learn it. I had practiced a lot at that time. I came across the blogger almost at similar time. So I had decided to practice the language publicly and blog seemed appealing to me to do that. But the problem was what to write on a blog? At that time I had read lot of technical blogs. So I got the idea: I will practice stupid english publicly by writing technical things. All of my early posts are about technical things.

I used to write dairy from my adolescence. Eventually I had started liking blogs. At that time I almost stopped writing technical things and started sharing other things. Eventually it becomes the space for me to share anything and everything. Almost every part of my life in last two years is here. It becomes my friend when I had moved to united states. It was the only friend of mine at those lonely days. My story is pretty simple; my story is all about having a lifelong good friend. I wish their every success. I wish blogger will be here forever. It is not for 10 years, not for 100 years, not for 1000 years, not for googol but forever.

... and one

I have tried so many things in my stupid life and I could not make any of them gracefully. Every time I start with enthusiasm and eventually I got distracted. Every time I start with the intention of having something different for that particular time and in reality it ends up at the same place. This is just stupid. Why I can’t make things happen? This time I don’t wanna be distracted. Concentrate! Concentrate!! Concentrate!!! One reason might be I talk more than I do. This is not good. I should do rather than just talk.

Hasib used to say I have interest on everything. At least I can say I tried lot of different things and most of them are abandoned in their respective premature states. I feel like I am in a cycle of starting something then move to a new one without finishing the old one; in fact, totally forgetting the old one. Personally I am not a big fan of knowing something superficially. Anyway I want a break; I want a break of this stupid cycle!!!

λαλιά

I was sleeping till 19:00 today, absurd!!! I was very tired. I had a long meeting yesterday with Dr. Gruenwald. Then I had prepared some materials for the project and finally I came home. Then I went to the Mall and finally I went for swimming at night, weird!!! Anyway I came back around 2:00 last night and went to the bed straight. It was a marathon meeting yesterday; we had started at 10:00 and finished at 15:30. Five and half hours!!!

I am having an interesting time now. I think Dr. Gruenwald starts liking me; the problem is: she starts liking me more than I deserve/expect. Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you are going to get. Every time, I wonder is this the same life I was living before, are they the same people I was meeting before.

I feel like I need a mentor who can advise me on some issues. Some issues I need to resolve very soon. The problem is I don’t take a single word without judging it. But I need some time when I don’t wanna think, I just wanna do. I feel like I am putting too much pressure on my stupid head. I am sitting in front of mystic window. I think I am falling in love with this window. How about go out for a walk? Bye for now…

Lookin' for love

I've spent a lifetime looking for you
Single bars and good time lovers, never true
Playing a fools game, hoping to win
Telling those sweet lies and losing again.

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Hopin' to find a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
Another heart, lookin' for love

When I was alone then, no love in sight
And I did everything I could to get me through the night
Don't know where it started or where it might end
I turn to a stranger, just like a friend

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Hopin' to find a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
Another heart, lookin' for love

You came a'knocking at my heart's door..
You're everything I've been looking for..

No more looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Now that I found a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
You, oh you, lookin' for love

In all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Now that I found a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
You, oh you, lookin' for love

[Johnny Lee' 1980][Youtube][wiki]

চলে যাচ্ছে...

অনেকদিন কিছু লিখা হচ্ছে না, তাই আজ ভাবলাম কিছু একটা লিখি। পশ্চিমের জীবনে আমি এখন আগের চেয়ে অনেকটা মানিয়ে নিয়েছি। শুরুটা করি আমার নতুন আ্যপার্টমেন্ট নিয়ে। আমার নতুন আ্যপার্টমেন্টের অবস্হানটা বেশ চমৎকার, সামনে বিশাল খেলার মাঠ, আর একপাশে বিরাট ট্রেডিশান স্কয়ার, তার পাশেই একটা খোলা বাগানের মত জায়গা। আমার জানালা থেকে ট্রেডিশান আর বাগানের মত জায়গা দুটো্ই দেখা যায়। সব মিলিয়ে জায়গাটা বেশ চমৎকার। আ্যপার্টমেন্টের সামনে বেশ চমৎকার একটা বারান্দা। জায়গাটা এত সুন্দর যে দেখলেই মনটা ভাল হ্য়ে যায়। সব কিছুর পরও একটা জিনিসের বড় অভাব, জীবন না্ই কোনটাতেই, সব কেমন জানি মরা মরা। এত চমৎকার একটা জায়গা অথচ কোন মানুষ নাই তা দেখার জন্যে। এখানে সবাই খুব ব্যস্ত, ব্যস্ত আমিও, তাই সৌন্দর্য উপভোগ করার মত সময়টা প্রায়সই করা হয়ে ওঠে না।আমেরিকাতে বিউটি এর কোন অভাব নেই তবে তা উপভোগ করার মানুষের বড় অভাব।

ছুটির দিন গুলা কাটে খুব অদ্ভুত ভাবে, কিছুই করা হয়ে ওঠেনা। আসলে সপ্তাহের ক্লান্তি এত বেশী যে সপ্তাহ শেষে আর কিছুই করা হ্য় না। মাঝে মাঝে জানালায় বসে বসে জাবর কাটি, জাবর কাটি জীবনের ফেলে আসা অনেকটা পথ। উত্তাল সব দিন গুলোর কথা ভাবি। তপু ভাই মাঝে মাঝে জিঙ্গেস করত তুই কেন যাবি, আমি বলতাম ঘটনাডা কি একটু বুঝতে চাই। আসলে জীবনের কিছু উপলদ্ধি করার জন্যে বিদেশ যাওয়াটা জরুরী। অনেক চীরন্তন সত্য শুধু স্হান বদলের কারনে মিথ্যা হয়ে যায়, অনেক বিশ্বাস ভেঙে যায়, আরও অনেক কিছু। মানুষের সাথে কথা বলতেও আজকাল বড্ড ক্লান্ত লাগে, ইচ্ছে হয় না, এক ধরনের চাপা যন্ত্রনা হয়। মাঝে মধ্যে মনে হ্য় সব ছেরেছুরে চলে যাই, অনেক দুরে। যাওয়া হয় না, ফেরাও হয় না। এই সব ভাবতে ভাবতে ছুটির দিন গুলো চলে যায়, আমি আবার ছুটে চলি।

আজকে জানালায় বসে সূর্য অস্ত দেখতে দেখতে মনে হচ্ছিল, এটাত সেই একই সূর্য যা আমি শহীদ মিনার এ বসে দেখতাম, তবুও কেন এত অচেনা, এত দুরের মনে হ্য়। আসলে অনেক কিছুই এখন দুরের মনে হয়, নিজেকে মনে হ্য় বড় অচেনা। নিজেকে খুজে বেড়াই, খুজে বেড়াই নিজের হারান অতীত, এমন কোন মধুর হয়ত ছিল না, তবে অপরিচিতও ছিল না। আমি প্রতিনিয়তই নিজের কাছে অচেনা হয়ে যাচ্ছি, পুরোটাই যে স্হনের কারনে তা নয়, ক্ষানিকটা বয়সের কারনেও, আর বাকিটা সময়ের কারনে।

নদীর স্রোতের মত বয়ে যায় জীবন, আমিও ভেসে চলি অজানার উদ্দেশ্যে। আমার ভালই লাগে আমার এই জীবন, প্রতিদিন নতুন কিছু দেখছি, শিখছি। শুধু ক্লান্ত লাগে মাঝে মাঝে, এই যা! আমি অপেক্ষা করি, ক্লান্ত হই, আবার অপেক্ষা করি, আবার ক্লান্ত হই। মাঝে মধ্যে এই অপেক্ষা বড্ড ক্লান্তিকর মনে হয়, মাঝে মধ্যে মনে হয় এটাই জীবন, এরকমটাই তো হবার কথা ছিল, আমার বাবা, দাদা সবার বেলায় এরকমটাই হয়ত হয়েছিল, এটাই জীবন। আমি বেচে থাকি, আমি ভেসে চলি, আমি খুজেফিরি ... "জীবন"।

stupid questions!

I am feeling tired. I am feeling tired of my life. That’s my problem. I got tired of everything very quickly. Problems – solutions that’s my life. That’s my life for last nine months. Who knows how long I have to do these stupid things. Actually I am becoming bored. I need to find some more interesting problems. My stupid life runs after me all the time.

Why am I like this? Why am I so stupid? Why? Why?? Why??? Something never changes, something never changes for me. Am I looking for something? What am I looking for? Maybe, I am not looking for anything. When will I get all my answers? “The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind” Why am I writing all these? I just feel bad and this stupid blog is my old trusted friend. It has infinite time to listen my stupidity.

America taught me a very interesting thing “variation”. I love America because it is the place which offers the entire varieties of the world. A nation of nations. Maybe, my stupid questions will not only reverberate here some day they will bring some answers with them to me.

New Haircut

I got an interesting haircut!!! I had never trimmed my hair to this size before. The new look seems very funny to me.

Leave me alone!!!

I always try not to go to the places where I don’t like companies. I enjoy the company of some selected people. My mom used to say there are very few places I want to go. Actually she was not right; I want to go to lot of places but I want be with very few selected people. I would prefer to be alone than someone I don’t like. It was not big problem when I was in Bangladesh. Nobody except my mom complains about that. The problem is more severe here. I almost don’t like any social gatherings. I barely attend any party. I just don’t like to be with them.

Those are too stereotyped. The same people, same talking everything are same except the time. Usually I don’t attend these parties. But today I went to Dr. Atiq’s place. It was one of those same stupid gathering. The problem is some folks always talk about politics, some talk about problems, and some talk about other random things. My problem is I don’t have anything to talk about. So, I keep listening and listening and listening.

This is the first time I went to Dr. Atiq’s place. He invited me couple of times but I didn’t go there. This time I went there otherwise it would not be nice at all. So I had decided to go there. I don’t understand why they invite me? They know very well I don’t enjoy it at all.