Just a post...

Life is going on as it is, little bit quiet and variation less. We got a long vacation last week. It was Thanks-giving vacation. I had a very good feast with my family. It is difficult to find the exact analogy in Bengali but I guess the main theme is pretty close to Nobanno. Nothing can really make the difference in my life. That’s a kind of a good thing and I do appreciate. Maybe hard to realize for first time but I guess it has some good on it.

My first semester in OU is almost at the end. It just has three more weeks to go. One of my feelings about American style of education is: it is consistent over the time (whole semester) unlike us. To me, the style of education from us is so different that they are incomparable. Both have their own pros and cons.

America changes me, my life, everything even my hair style. I am just trying to cope up with it. Five months should enough for it but I am not adaptive kind of guy. Maybe that’s why it is taking too long for me. As always I leave everything for the time, let the time decide for me.

I live in America

November is a very busy time for students here; projects, home-works, mid-terms, etc. I am not that much busy with my class works as I am with my research thing. I am still struggling to get Dr. Gruenwald. But for some reason it makes me more interested about the whole thing. As always the harder it is the more curious I am to see the end.

Other than these I don’t have any stories. Well I am not poet enough to make a poem of it. Actually my unpredictable life is now so predictable. When I left Bangladesh Kanak told me, “Bangladesh is the best place for bohemian life.” Indeed it is. At that time I thought I want the end of all bohemianism. Maybe I didn’t realize my life would end with it. I am tired of mimicking the same series of events every day. If I say I am alive now then it will be teasing of my past.

This is America. Every fine morning I wake up and ask myself why I am here? Finally after series of logic and counter logic I convince myself to be here for that day. That’s how my days start. And every night it goes to bed with a beautiful dream of new morning that’s gonna change everything. America is beautiful country to visit but possibly worst for staying too long. Maybe I am telling this because I am missing my old beautiful days.

Someday I will leave this country. I will go to another one and then another one and so on. But I know I will never find what I am looking for. Am I looking for something? What? Is that something really exists? Ha Ha Ha…

প্রস্থান

এখন তুমি কোথায় আছ কেমন আছ, পত্র দিও।

এক বিকেলে মেলায় কেনা খামখেয়ালীর তাল পাখা টা
খুব নিশীথে তোমার হাতে কেমন আছে, পত্র দিও।
ক্যালেন্ডারের কোন পাতা টা আমার মত খুব ব্যথিত
ডাগর চোখে তাকিয়ে থাকে তোমার দিকে, পত্র দিও।
কোন কথাটা অষ্ট প্রহর কেবল বাজে মনের কানে
কোন স্মৃতি টা উস্কানি দেয় ভাসতে বলে প্রেমের বানে
পত্র দিও, পত্র দিও।

আর না হলে যত্ন করে ভুলেই যেয়ো, আপত্তি নেই।
গিয়ে থাকলে আমার গেছে, কার কি তাতে?
আমি না হয় ভালবেসেই ভুল করেছি ভুল করেছি,
নষ্ট ফুলের পরাগ মেখে
পাঁচ দুপুরে নিজ'নতা খুন করেছি, কী আসে যায়?
এক জীবনে কতটা আর নষ্ট হবে,
এক মানবী কতটাই বা কষ্ট দেবে!

[হেলাল হাফিজ]

Colorful Life

Dhaka University classes for batch’2000 were started almost one year before of BUET. We, BUET guys were pretty much idle at that time. I had spent a lot of my time in Dhaka University at that time. Shaon was in Dhaka University and he started to live at dormitory by that time. He was involved with politics and some random incidents made pretty much bad idea about dormitory to my parents.

One day Shuvo, Shaon and I decided to stay at Dhaka University dormitory. It was my first day in dormitory. So I had to lied them and said I would be at Shuvo’s place. So they allowed me to stay out at night. But they discovered the whole thing by making some phone calls. And next day it turned out a total mess. But I did enjoy that day. It was my first dormitory night. It was a new experience of new life.

Time had passed and I had stayed at dormitory since my third year after that. And now I have passed almost four months in USA. Still that day means something different to me. Stream of my life takes me here now. Who knows how far it will take me and makes me see how many things.

I just wonder how life evolved! Life has its own way of doing things. Nobody knows what is waiting for tomorrow. Sorrows are the most inevitable eternal friends of human life. Still it is full of excitement, excitement of new morning, new day, and new life. Otherwise life has no meaning, nothing at all. Life is colorful, with its own color.

Those of my friends staying outside Bangladesh can you remember your first day outside home?

A photograph

Probably this is one of my most discussed photos. There is no good reason but one big reason might be I use it very often. I like this photograph very much. It is one of my craziest adventures I have ever had. This picture has everything I have, I am lost, I am hungry, and I am crazy. Can you feel the vision of new morning in eyes? I can. That’s it, that’s what I am! I am lost, lost in dark, lost in life. I am hungry, always hungry. I am crazy, crazy for new days, new life. Therefore, I am lost because of my craziness in eternal hunger.

আমি তারে পেয়েও হারাই রে!

অনেক বছর আগের একটা দিন মাঝে মাঝে খুব মনে পরে। আব্বু সকাল বেলা ঘুম থেকে তুলে স্কুলে নিয়ে গেলো। কোনো একটা অদ্ভুত কারনে আমি এর আগের কিছু মনে করতে পারি না। সেই যে শুরু আজও শেষ খুজে পেলাম না। মাঝে মাঝে ভাবি আদৌ কোনো শেষ আছে না শুধুই ছুটে চলা। চলতে চলতে ক্লান্ত হয়ে যাই, তবু চলা থামে না।

আমার জীবনটা এমন ছিলো না, স্কুলের শেষ বেন্ঞিটাতে বসে আমার জীবন ভালই কেটে যাচ্ছিল। তারপর সময় আসল স্কুলকে বিদায় জানানোর, চলে আসলাম কলেজ নামোক যায়গাটাতে, তারপর বিশ্ববিদ্যালয়ে। আমি খুব ভালো ভাবেই জানি আমার বিশ্ববিদ্যালয় জীবনটা আমি কিভাবে পার করেছি। পড়ালেখা বাদে আর যা যা করা সম্ভব ছিলো সবই বোধহয় করেছিলাম ঐ জীবনটাতে। যৌবন ছিলো, ছিলো খুজে দেখার ইচ্ছা, আর ছিলো রাসেল, হাসিব, ইমরুল, রেজা, জাফর, ডিউ, জামি, আদনান আরও অনেকেই।

আজকে আমার হাতে অফুরন্ত সময়, খুব পিছনে ফিরে যেতে ইচ্ছা হয়, না ভুল শোধরানোর জন্যে নয়, পুরোনো বন্ধুদের কাছে, পুরোনো জীবনটার কাছে। আমি হাজার বার ফিরে যেতে রাজি আছি, তবে একটিবারও শোধরাতে রাজি নাই। পুরো সময়টাই হয়তো নষ্ট করেছিলাম, তবুও মনে শান্তি ছিল। আজকে হয়তো পুরো সময়টাই কাজে লাগাই, তবুও ঐ জিনিস টা নাই। কোথায় যে খুজে পাবো কারো জানা নাই।

ইদানিং খুব ক্লান্ত লাগে। আর পারি না। এই ছুটে চলা আর ভালো লাগে না। আমি একবার রাস্তা হারিয়ে এক মারমা বাড়িতে আশ্রয় নিয়েছিলাম। পরদিন সকাল বেলা যখন চলে আশি তখন গৃহকর্তার হাতে একটা নোট ধরানোর চেষ্টা করলাম, সে আমার দিকে খুবই অবাক হয়ে তাকিয়ে থাকলো কিছুক্ষন। শেষে আমার কাছে জানতে চাইলো সে ঐটা দিয়ে কি করবে, তারতো মাসের বাজার করা শেষ? আমি কোনো উত্তর খুজে পেলাম, তবে একটা জিনিস নিয়ে আসলাম, তা হচ্ছে জীবন, শিখে আসলাম কতো সহজেই জীবন কাটানো যায়। অথচ এই জীবনের জন্যই আমার কত আয়োজন। নিজেকে খুব ঘেন্না হয়, খুব।

Country Roads

Almost heaven, west virginia
Blue ridge mountains, shenandoah river
Life is old there, older than the trees
Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memries, gather round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice, in the mornin hours she calls to me
The radio reminds me of my home far a-way
And drivin down the road I get a feeling
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place, I be-long
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

[John Denver, Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert - Poems, Prayers and Promises'1971][wiki][Youtube]

Research Life

I am really struggling to satisfy Dr. Gruenwald. No matter how prepare I am, she finds problem in it. I am trying hard but still I am not up to the mark. Either the whole research thing is beyond my capability or my process is not correct. She complains several times about my thought process. I have to find some way out otherwise I will be kick-out. The later is good in a sense that I can go back to Bangladesh. The only problem is I have to go back with some bad memories.

The hopeful part of the story is she is not going to kick me out before next summer. So I have still few months left to save my ass. But I am not quite sure about how long I will be able to save my ass. I just feel hapless. I don’t know how to get her. I am really looking for a way out. There must be some way! I have to find it. Otherwise I will be in real trouble.

If I find myself totally incompetent for the research then I should think about alternating way. I don’t want to waste much of my time. Maybe software is the only way for me or my life is tied with it. Is research really so difficult or I am in a wrong track. God knows! Anyway I am thrilling to see the end of this story.

My Bangladesh

I have a very little connection with a village of Bangladesh. I born and brought up in one of the most populous cities. But still I have attraction toward bucolic beauties. I always dream a home at countryside. Maybe it will remain as my dream for ever. If I die I want my boneyard somewhere at countryside.

I had stayed a night in tribal house. It was a remote village in Bangladesh out of so called civilized area. I learned how simple a life could be. Life is beautiful to them. Surely life is something different to them. I wish I could be there! Forever and forever!

[Image Source] Rassel Raihan

Different People, Different Ways

Tonight is a big night for the United States. It was their presidential election today. And whole day I even didn’t feel anything different than other days. Back to Bangladesh, can you imagine that? Even the 15^th February’s election was even more excited than their election. Are we politically more concern than them? Well recent years their participation is near to 50-55. And average participation in Bangladesh is 75-80 now-a-days it becomes more. So, are we more concern? I think no! We are just crazy; we don’t even know what we are doing.

Yes, we are exceptions in few aspects. I am kind of amazed that I didn’t see anybody asking for vote in person here. I mean other than mass media no body asking for vote. Yes there are few big conventions but they are different. Sometime they are crazy but their own way. Every nation has their own characteristics different from others. They have certain things in their own. That makes the real difference between nation to nation and people to people.

By this time, Mr. Obama is already elected as a president of united state. Does it gonna make any difference? Well maybe, maybe not! I thing other than skin color everything is similar to previous presidents. Let see what new he is gonna bring for this nation as well as for the whole world.