Happy birthday, Shiblee!

How are you today?
I am okay, I am doing good

Seems like something is bothering you, otherwise you would not be here?
Well, I had a minor conflict of views with one uncle and he pointed out, I argue with small things and more often than not I disagree! It makes me thinking whether it is true, if true whether I should keep it or I should work around? I think I am almost convinced that he is right. I ask lot of question before taking it as my opinion and of course I pay meticulous attention on small things; now question is whether it is good or bad? right or wrong? Most cases I don't have faith on right or wrong, rather I see the problem opposite. I think whether this traits are appropriate for kind of work I am doing or kind of work I am planning to do? I think question is bothering me. I have one more problem, I cannot let something go easily. I tried real hard before accepting something and I tried equally hard before refuting something as well. hmmm...

Your problems sound innocent and even better, they sound like virtue?
Well, like I said, I don't believe in right or wrong; my craziest idea is everything is context dependent and if you drag them out of their context, there is not adjective you can attached to them. Even though the traits sound promising for a inquisitive individuals, you may find certain difficulty associated with them in real life.

Try to do some research! nobody in this world can tell you an unbiased story. End of the day, it is up to you which side you gonna choose.
I have even more crazy idea about right or wrong, I'll share those some other days.

Thanks to my blog, I think it helped really a lot.

Wichita Mountains again!

Wichita mountain again within a month. This time for excursion. It was shinny and pictures were okay. It's hard to get great picture in the middle of a shinny day with no drama on the sky. So the pictures were pretty boring. I kind of like this place. It is a wide open place, I think a whole day hiking or three days camping would be interesting. Pictures I have got this time.

A beautiful shinny day

How are you, Shiblee?

So how are you Shiblee? This Saturday 8:30 in the morning and I am blogging, it's not hard to imagine how am I? How am I? Do really have any life now? Hard tell, whether I have any life any more. My life is measured in terms of days, I don't have moments. Am I happy? Well, happiness is a state of living soul! Am I living being? Do I really have breath? This like sucks! Nothing changed then, huh! Still life sucks! Why the hell you bring all that trouble in your life? It was a mistake, I always recognize it as mistake, all I am doing now is trying to compensate. She is not all that bad, we have good time together, still the good time is more than bad.

How do see your marriage? Well certainly she is not what I wanted? Honestly speaking I didn't have any idea what I wanted at that time. I don't even know what I want now. I am not happier than before neither unhappier. I am still alone, even more lonely! I can't call my parents, hang around with friends and I don't have money! All I have is one wife who is not really my type. Life is not always what you want, I believe life is all about what you have!

I am the big fan of the idea of finding appropriate work for appropriate tools, instead of appropriate tools for appropriate work. Having all those things in my life what can I do?

I have an obligation to look after my family. So, I have family value, but I am too far from them! It does not make sense. Family value mean to be maximized by being together. What I am doing then, I have no idea! It is just a life without any direction!

What I want to do? Honestly, I never think about this question. This question seems too far away. But if I think carefully, I probably want to work for al small startup, earn handsome money, travel all over the world, that's it! Well think carefully, what makes you happy most? What is your goal? Goal? Goal? Where are you going? This is just typical life of a typical man? No, it is just a life of a aimless soul! Does research earn money? Well I don't like the whole idea of research culture! Software development? Kind of okay but not self rewarding? I need to think about this question further! This not the question can be answered easily. What I really wanna do?

This life was never meant to be living and it is not now.

Meeting with Dr. G!

I had a meeting with Dr. G this morning. I have an interesting relationship with her now. Most of the time, I discuss my ideas and she always tries to make something out of it! Huh! this morning I presented some formal definitions that I came up with last week. I did it for fun, at that time I was thinking formally define something could be fun and force me think carefully about something. But this morning when I presented it to Dr. G, she immediately recognize it as opportunity of publication and asked me come up with formal reasoning and applications so that we can publish it as paper! Is life so complicated? She destroyed the fun part of it :( Is publication only goal of human life? I hate publication! so much talking so few real work! I guess we have a name for it "communication skill." :P

Wichita Mountain, OK

We went to Wichita Mountain last weekend with Ron, Diana and other FIS students. It was indeed a nice outing. It was a nice place for taking pictures. The landscape is excellent. I think I should spend a whole day their, take some pictures and so. It could be another project of mine. It would be fun and adventurous.

Fighting!

We are fighting almost twice a week. I think it's gonna go up. We are really two different people, happen to be together. I am not sure what's happening, I am not happy, I am compromising with myself in every single moment. Am I making my life even more difficult? Maybe I am making my life complicated; now that I am coming into same conclusion again and again, I think it was never meant to be easier that what I have now. I think relationship is not for me, not any kind. I am not good at all.

Do I think too much? Is this the right way to have a relation? Am I wrong for my entire life. Is this meant to be this way? I hate any kind of relation. I am never good at any kind of relation. If lipa should listen to me about money management just because I am a good money manager, shouldn't I listen to her just because she is a good relationship keeper? I hate people, should really be in a small town live by myself.