How are you, Shiblee?

So how are you Shiblee? This Saturday 8:30 in the morning and I am blogging, it's not hard to imagine how am I? How am I? Do really have any life now? Hard tell, whether I have any life any more. My life is measured in terms of days, I don't have moments. Am I happy? Well, happiness is a state of living soul! Am I living being? Do I really have breath? This like sucks! Nothing changed then, huh! Still life sucks! Why the hell you bring all that trouble in your life? It was a mistake, I always recognize it as mistake, all I am doing now is trying to compensate. She is not all that bad, we have good time together, still the good time is more than bad.

How do see your marriage? Well certainly she is not what I wanted? Honestly speaking I didn't have any idea what I wanted at that time. I don't even know what I want now. I am not happier than before neither unhappier. I am still alone, even more lonely! I can't call my parents, hang around with friends and I don't have money! All I have is one wife who is not really my type. Life is not always what you want, I believe life is all about what you have!

I am the big fan of the idea of finding appropriate work for appropriate tools, instead of appropriate tools for appropriate work. Having all those things in my life what can I do?

I have an obligation to look after my family. So, I have family value, but I am too far from them! It does not make sense. Family value mean to be maximized by being together. What I am doing then, I have no idea! It is just a life without any direction!

What I want to do? Honestly, I never think about this question. This question seems too far away. But if I think carefully, I probably want to work for al small startup, earn handsome money, travel all over the world, that's it! Well think carefully, what makes you happy most? What is your goal? Goal? Goal? Where are you going? This is just typical life of a typical man? No, it is just a life of a aimless soul! Does research earn money? Well I don't like the whole idea of research culture! Software development? Kind of okay but not self rewarding? I need to think about this question further! This not the question can be answered easily. What I really wanna do?

This life was never meant to be living and it is not now.