Pixie story! once again!!!

She was in my dream today! How long it gonna take to let her go? I guess some faces are so pretty to go away. I never tried to forget her, I never tried to remember her either. She was just there. She was so real in my dream I could even feel her breath. Huh! why she is still there? Do I still have some feelings for her? Do I still feel her? I have a wife now! Do I love my wife? I never thought that. I get the idea that love is a fool's game. I don't believe in love anymore. All I believe in life. Then, why did I wake up at 7 AM in the morning and blogging about pixie then? Pixie was my destiny! At least I believed so :( and now I am here, so far from everything. Sometimes I feel like I lost my way, I am confused and I don't know what I am doing. I am doing so many things to make my life. I think somewhere something is missing, a big part of my life, what is it? 

I was told a famous quote that marry the one who loves you, not whom you love; I did so and now I am here blogging at 7 AM in the morning. What a destiny! I guess this is not all that fun. It hurts, it sucks as well. My wife! Yes she is nice, she is an wonderful lady, she loves me a lot. I am the one who is faking love. I think I lost the sense of love long time back, or maybe I never had it at all. I am just a messed up kid in the town. I should never have a family. I should never have friends. I am a loner! 

Thinking about friends, I used to think why I don't have so many friends from my school? I used to think, probably it is because I changed schools too much, this is not true. I have the realization that I can't keep friends. I have created an enormous gap between me and some of my best friends these days. Why am I doing this? I just don't know how to keep them. I am such a loser. Interestingly I was talking to mom last week and she was saying my dad doesn't have lot of friends either. I think this is my gene! Huh gene! I wish if it could brought something different for me! Life is never what I want for me. 

Thinking about family, I pretty much messed up with the family as well. I married to a girl without taking concerns of any of my friends and family and interestingly I don't love her either. So my family is not all that happy. On the top of that I went crazy on my father last week and the situation become gloomy and ugly now. Mom stopped telling things. 

Am I messing up everything pixie? Why is that? Am I overestimated me? But there is no such thing overestimation in my life. I love to push me even harder? Am I really doing Something worth doing! I feel tired! I think I should go back to sleep, or I should take a shower. I am not one of those who are always in love with their past, I love to explore my future; but sometimes I still miss some pretty faces. Some pretty faces are hunting me down. Sometimes I feel like something still left inside me for pixie, something very unusual, the love of my life. Or she fucked me up so badly, I still cannot forget her. She is the one, she is my pixie.