In pursuit of freedom

I was watching a tv show called Chef's table. One of their episode was based on Chef Francis Mallmann. He in an wonderful story teller at least in the show. He was telling a story his childhood, the inspiration of his life and cooking. The story goes like: Francis met a guy in his childhood on the way back to home from school. He used to see the guy driving with a new lady everyday while Francis walk back. One day the guy asked Francis if he wants a ride to home. Francis somehow ended-up in that guy's house. There he found two young lady completely naked enjoying the sun by a pool. The young ladies saw Francis and asked leniently if he wants anything for drink? It was very unusual or uncommon scene for a kid like Francis. The whole thing stuck in his head and that guided him rest of his life.

What did Francis see? Francis didn't see the lavish life a guy neither the naked ladies. Francis saw freedom and spend his life in pursuit of that freedom. In Francis word he saw a world where people are free and free from everything. His search for that freedom brought us today's Francis Mallmann. Francis saw something, a school boy's dream scene, but he took an entirely different idea from there "the very concept of freedom." This is how diversity works, this is the beauty of diversity in ideas. This is how ideas propagate, evolve and make us little more mature every day. 

এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়

এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়
ভব রঙ্গমঞ্চ মাঝে, রঙের নট নটবর হরি
যারে যা সাজান সেই তাই সাজে
এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়

মাতৃসাজে সেজেছিস মা
করিতে স্নেহের অভিনয়,
কর্মক্ষেত্রে কর্মসূত্রে আমি তোর সেজেছি তনয়
এই নাটকের এই অঙ্কে
স্থান পেয়েছি মা তোর অঙ্কে
হয়তো পর অঙ্কে, পর অঙ্কে পুত্র সেজে
এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়

কর্মক্ষেত্রে জীবমাত্রে মায়াসূত্রে সবাই গাথাঁ
কেহ পুত্র, কেহ মিত্র, কেহ ভার্যা, কেহ ভ্রাতা
কেউ সেজে এসেছেন পিতা
কেহ স্নেহময়ী মাতা
কত রঙের অভিনেতা
আছেন কত সাজে সেজে
এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়

যার যখন হতেছে সাঙ্গ
এ রঙ্গভূমির অভিনয়
কাকস্য পরিবেদনা
তখন সে আর কারো নয়
কোথা রয় প্রেয়সীর প্রণয়
পুত্র কন্যার কাতর বিনয়
শুনেনা সে কারো অনুনয়
চলে যায় সাজশয্যা থেকে
এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়

না হইলে কর্মশেষ
কত যাব মা কত আসব
সঙ সেজে সংসার মাঝে
কত হাসব কত কাঁদব
ভূষণ বলে যবে আসব
মায়ামোহ তবে নাশব
মহাযোগে তবে বসব
মিশব হরির পদরজে
এ মায়া প্রপঞ্চময়

I'm going slightly mad

When the outside temperature rises
And the meaning is oh so clear
One thousand and one yellow daffodils
Begin to dance in front of you, oh dear
Are they trying to tell you something?
You're missing that one final screw
You're simply not in the pink my dear
To be honest you haven't got a clue
I'm going slightly mad
I'm going slightly mad
It finally happened, happened
It finally happened, ooh woh
It finally happened, I'm slightly mad
Oh dear

I'm one card short of a full deck
I'm not quite the shilling
One wave short of a shipwreck
I'm not my usual top billing
I'm coming down with a fever
I'm really out to sea
This kettle is boiling over
I think I'm a banana tree
Oh dear
I'm going slightly mad
I'm going slightly mad (I'm going slightly mad)
It finally happened, happened
It finally happened, uh huh
It finally happened, I'm slightly mad
Oh dear

Uh uh ah ah
Uh uh ah ah

I'm knitting with only one needle
Unraveling fast it's true
I'm driving only three wheels these days
But my dear, how about you?
I'm going slightly mad
I'm going slightly mad
It finally happened
It finally happened, oh yes
It finally happened
I'm slightly mad
Just very slightly mad
And there you have it

[Queen]

Don't Stop Believin

Just a small town girl

Livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train

Goin' anywhere

Just a city boy

Born and raised in South Detroit

He took the midnight train

Goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room

The smell of wine and cheap perfume

For a smile they can share the night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting

Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching

In the night

Streetlight people

Livin' just to find emotion

Hidin' somewhere in the night

Workin' hard to get my fill

Everybody wants a thrill

Payin' anything to roll the dice

Just one more time

Some will win

Some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting

Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching

In the night

Streetlight people

Livin' just to find emotion

Hidin' somewhere in the night

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to that feelin'

Streetlight people

Don't stop believin'

Hold on

Streetlight people

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to that feelin'

Streetlight people

[Journey]

Becoming a tree...

I never owned any property in my life. Owning a property always felt like a property of trees to me. I never thought I would own one. Now, I own one. I became a tree officially. Every time I think of the house, I feel like a tree. Now, I will not be able to move, I am attached to the land somehow. Soon, I will spread my branches and other stuff too. I am yet to see what next. I love life, it never ceases to surprise me.

Separate Ways

Here we stand

Worlds apart

Hearts broken in two, two, two

Sleepless nights

Losing ground

I'm reaching for you, you, you

Feelin' that it's gone

Can't change your mind

If we can't go on

To survive the tide

Love divides

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

You know I still love you

Though we touched

And went our separate ways

Troubled times

Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain

Distant eyes

Promises we made were in vain

In vain, vain

If you must go

I wish you love

You'll never walk alone

Take care my love

Miss you love

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

You know I still love you

Though we touched

And went our separate ways

Oooooooooh...........

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

You know I still love you

I still love you, girl

I really love you, girl

And if he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

Nooooooooo..............

Nooooooooo..............

[Journey]

Reading & Writing

I have been thinking of getting back into the having of reading and writing again. It's been a long I didn't write anything. I am missing writing part of Shiblee. Somebody once told me the best way to write a journal is "write as if nobody is reading." I don't know what is the purpose of writing if there is no one to read but it seems like a good idea for blogging.

I have not read any single book in last six months! That's terrifying. When I look back and how did I not miss reading? I couldn't come up with the answer. I think my living room is stealing a fair share of my time. I am not a TV person but still I spend a good part of the day in front of it. Not watching tv but all sorts of random crap; and there youtube too! Which is the television of new generation. 

What do I do then? 1) Read random crap, 2) Watch random youtube videos, 3) Check smart phones, 4) Play games, 5) Family time, 6) Household maintenance, 6) Cooking, etc. Let's see, "Read random crap"? I don't consider it reading. It is probably pseudo-reading, it gave me the fulfillment of being on the bleeding edge but in reality it is full of shit. And most of it is not useful at all. Now that online publishing is super easy, anybody and everybody (including me) can have their own publisher and publish all sorts of garbage. There is not much point in spending time on those.

"Watch random youtube crap" This is the age of internet and youtube is a great way to learn things. But in reality very few of them has any depth at all. I am not all against them but I think I should be seriously limit my time on those. "Check smartphone" is the disease of our generation. I don't know what other people do on their smart phone when they check it, but 95% I do nothing useful. And the useful parts are shattered all over the places. Smartphone saves out time by making live easy but snitched all those time by hyper context switching. I need be more diligent about this smart devices, I feel like they are out-smarting myself. 

"Playing games" - this is the new thing. In last few weeks I spend a fair amount of time playing games. I am not sure which category it belongs to but compared other three I think it is better use of time. I consider rest are useful and super good use of time. Some of them actually made me learn things and solve problems. It seems like I need to cut down my "chaotic use of device time" into more consolidated effective use. I want to go back my habit of reading and writing again. No more random crap.

Firework

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?

Screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause, baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

As you shoot across the sky...

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colours burst

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel like a wasted space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed

So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow

And when it's time you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause, baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

As you shoot across the sky...

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colours burst

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through...

'Cause, baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

As you shoot across the sky...

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colours burst

Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

[Katy Perry]

Dark Souls

There is real beauty in Dark Souls. It reveals that life is more suffering than pleasure, more failure than success, and that even the momentary relief of achievement is wiped away by new levels of difficulty. It is also a testament to our persistence in the face of that suffering, and it offers the comfort of a community of other players all stuck in the same hellish quagmire. Those are good qualities. That is art. And you can get all of that from the first five hours of Dark Souls. The remaining 90 or so offer nothing but an increasingly nonsensical variation on that experience. - Michael Thomsen

I was researching about the game Dark souls yesterday and found somebody shared the above quote about Dark Souls. Forget about game, I was moved the view itself. "life is more suffering than pleasure, more failure than success" - I guess it was always like that, I just didn't realize it entirely. Again "momentary relief of achievement is wiped away by new levels of difficulty" sure it is. Life is surely all about that. And then "It is also a testament to our persistence in the face of that suffering," - this was too much!

MSN Messenger is shutting down

The Verge: MSN Messenger is finally shutting down after 15 years.

There is nothing new in that news. But this morning I opened verge and saw the message. I was thinking man I am getting old. This is the beginning of the end of our era. I remember my internet life begin around the same time as MSN messenger. I had numerous moments with MSN messenger. I even have MSN address that I still use. Not many people use that msn.com address. I believe Microsoft started using hotmail.com around 2001 or something like that.

I remember it was annoying many ways but it was still one of the best out there. Chatting gonna be pretty much obsolete within few years. Mobile messaging gonna take the place. That's why we see piles of messaging applications out there. Life goes on in a circle.

My first pair of Sunglasses

I never used sunglasses in my life. For some sunglasses used to give me weird headache. So, I avoided them all along. If I ever really needed one, I used to go for a cheap one and sort of used them as a disposable item. I had been in Oklahoma where we had 90 straight days in a year with temperature over 100F and hot melting sun, I grew up in Dhaka where sun shines almost 300 days a year but I never felt the need of a pair of sunglasses. I didn't even feel the necessity of a pair of sunglasses in Florida where you hardly see anybody's eyes. Life had a bigger surprise for me, I moved to Seattle where the sun almost never shines and guess what? I start using sunglasses. This summer I had to buy a pair of sunglasses because I couldn't not stand the sunlight. What a irony! You are only scared of the things, you were deprived for.

I need sunlight not sunglasses.

R.I.P Robin Williams

I don't understand this world at all. Robin Williams had depression! A comedian! Mark (my colleague) was talking to me the other day about ancient philosophers. Somehow he came to this conclusion that the only profession that is comparable to ancient philosopher is modern day comedian. I guess he is right. I was reading somewhere before that ancient philosophers were depressed. They were depressed because they knew how little they knew about everything and that used to bother them. I guess life is eerie very eerie.

Google Activity Report

Google activity report is a total crap. It shows in my activity report that I walked 1 hour last month and 0 hours of cycling! I did at least 10 miles per day. And the most funny thing is I did use bicycle routing on google map couple of times. My location service was always on. I know because I used an app that tracks my route and generate a report at the end. I was not fast at all, about 10 mph. I know Google did not consider it as walk either because I just have 1 hour of walking in my report.

Google you are better than this. I don't need a random number generator at the end of every month. Give me something that works.

Get back on the saddle

I have just realized why I don't have anything to write. It is because I don't do anything public. All are corporate proprietary stuff :( I would like to talk about stuff but that would require writing a document, send the draft, get the clearance, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, let's talk about personal life.

I picked up biking after a long period of time. I think all credit goes to Hasib. He was talking about the biking last year and I was kind of convinced that I should do it. But then I came to Seattle and looking for right bike and wait, wait and wait. Finally this year I decided, you know what, I am gonna get one, no matter what. So I got a pretty basic bike from Schwinn.

It is a network hybrid, nothing fancy but I am loving ride. Seattle is one of the bike friendly city, may not be comparable to Portland but lot of people ride bike here. I guess that might have some influences too. Anyway, I almost forgot how fun biking was. I am enjoying every moment of it. I am hoping it will bring back some part of fitness. My fitness is really struggling. I have sort of abused my body for so many years. Its no wonder my fitness is fighting back. Biking is my first tiny step on the way of reclaiming my fitness. I hope someday I will reclaim all of its glory.

I am also planning to upgrade to clipless pedal sometime next week. Let's see how that goes. I have heard that you to fall at least once when you start using clipless. I hope my fall will not be too damaging. I am hoping this will boost my ride a little. I am pretty excited about my new biking venture.

A verbose 4th of July morning...

It seems like blogging is becoming less popular after mobile revolution. Interesting, now we have so many ways to write and so many apps to write with, but it became less popular. Or maybe it just me, start writing blog after few months and feel like everybody is doing the same. Anyway, happy 4th of July everyone.

I was browsing woot.com this morning and at the bottom of the page it ask for a survey. And the question was what is the best part of 4th of July? Fireworks? Day off? And few other things. I guess its day off for me now. Its always fun to have one extra day off.

I feel like I am writing after a long time. Blogging has always been fun for me. But nowadays it is hard to find things to blog about. So, I stopped writing. I am going thru that part of the life when nothing happens other than ageing. Sometime I feel like this will continue for some years and at some point I will realize I am an old man now. I have lived my life. I will start giving advise. It surprising human that most of the human lifes are utterly similar. Among all the diversity and friction we see among human being, they are just ridiculously shallow. Deep down inside we all are same. Not biologically but mentally and how we live our life.

Life is the most amazing thing I have. It always surprises me like it surprises rest of the 7 billion people on earth. After all these surprises I don't understand how come they are same? Is not it amazing!

Well enough of stupid rumblings. I am gonna go ant watch the stupid Germany vs France game. This will be the first time I will cheer for France. Hope they will be able to pull it forward.

All of Me

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out

You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down

What's going on in that beautiful mind

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

...'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you

Even when you're crying you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water

But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

...'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it's hard

...'Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh

[John Legend]

Blogging!

It has been a while I don't write anything. Well, part of the reason is half of my day I spend at my office about which I cannot or shouldn't talk about. And rest of the half I do meaningless stuff. So meaningless that when I go to bed, I feel pity for myself. It is so meaningless there is nothing to talk about them. Technically, I spend my time on stuff that cannot talk about or there is nothing to talk about them at all.

However, I noticed one thing though. I am getting older. I getting more and more mature day by day. And you know what people around me appreciate the change. I am not sure whether I do or not. But anyway, changes are good, they keep us going. I should not be scared of them I should be embrace them and take advantage of them. One thing I learn from my friend Peter Wirthumer is not taking advantage of the moment is painful. I should be start feeling that pain. I have seen him restless in pursuit of the moment and that keeps him going. Anyway, life is good.

Well, finally we moved to a new Condo. It is a much bigger place not like the old one where both of us had to cramble into a tiny 600sq-ft apartment with all of our furniture and amazon boxes. It is in Bellevue though, so I have to commute a little for office. I am fine with that. I believe bigger place makes you think bigger. Let see if that helps us at all.

Lost in time

Seems like I am really busy, am I? Why don't I feel the speed? Why don't I feel the thrill? I am not thrilled, I am not excited, I am not feeling the speed. What am I busy with? Office? Not really. I have a feeling, I am lost. Lost in myself. I have been looking for last few months. Not sure what is missing? We were watching a movie last, it was movie where the central character was a heroine. At some point a guy was saying to the heroine, "you heroines are all the same, if you have career you run for love, if you have love you go after career." Isn't it the same for all of us? Grass is always greener on the other side. I am not after greener grass, I am after myself. I am lost, lost in time. 

Waikiki Beach, Oahu

Waikiki is the beach for the first timer. It's a beach where everyone is doing something new. Lipa and I did snorkeling today. This is the first time I looked inside the water. It's an amazing world. We did our first paddle surfing, and body boarding here too. I am sure the beauty of Waikiki is long gone for excessive development. But a new kind of beauty has emerged from the reminiscent of natural beauty. It's the beauty of joyful face of tons of first timer. The majority of the surfers here stand on their feet for the first time. The joy in their face is no less than the one who just finished the triple crown of surfing. Look into their face, the beauty is no less than a Honu in crystal clear water.

I find people most amazing creature in the world. I am a city dweller, I grew up watching enormous number of people on the street. Probably that's why I find human being amazingly beautiful. Every face tells a story and most amazing of them is the face of the first timers. First timer of anything. And you would find plenty of them in Waikiki. It is the face of glory, it is the face of achievement, it is the face of fulfilment. I think Waikiki is still beautiful, may be not the way it used to be. It just got a new face.

BTW, the water is still beautiful and crazy blue! and waves are still gentle and amazing.

North Shore, Oahu

Majestic blue water, tropical weather and spectacular scenic! No wonder Hawaii is one of the top vacation place. I think Hawaii is not a place it is a experience. If it does not lure you to think about your life one more time, you are not living, especially North Shore. Something with this North Shore, that makes you feel festive at the same time extremely philosophical. No wonder everything is philosophical here. Every word is connected to the deeper soul.

I am sure the big waves are extremely philosophical as well when they are breaking into the hard rock of Oahu. You almost can hear them talking. The Hawaiian waves are nothing like I have ever seen, especially those are in North Shore, Oahu. They are almost alive. The fountain created by those waves are way more spectacular than any man made fountain including famous Bellagio fountain, Las Vegas. And the music! What can be more melodious than the song of the sea. Just sitting on the beach and listening to them can make one content. Playing with them is a whole different story.

North shore is little less developed compared to Waikiki or other beaches around. But if you sit there for a while you would know that that's the way it should. If it does not make you rethink about your life, I am sure nothing does. When I was in Sunset Beach, North Shore yesterday, I had that feeling that if I could be everything. If I were a surfer I could play with the big waves, if I were a singer I could sing with the sea. If I were a dancer I could dance with the waves. I wish I were many more things just to experience the sea. I have never felt the pain of not being any of those before in the same way I did yesterday.

I used to think I don't love sea, boy I have never seen a living sea before. This sea is so lively that you almost can talk to the waves. They know for sure what you are talking and you would know their roar as well. Life in North Shore is nothing like I could have ever imagined. North Shore is not a vacation destination, it should not be a vacation destination. It the culmination of a human philosophical inner soul where nature and soul crate resonance with each other.

ALOHA!