We are four here, rest are my cousins. We are planning for a beach party at last night of this year. Hopefully the total plan will work out successfully and it will be a very good excursion. I wish all of you guy a Happy New Year. I wish New Year brings myriad of opportunities for you.
Here is an inspiring one from PostSecret. This is my New Year gift to you all, stolen from PostSecret.
Every human being is governed by two distinct things, one is logic and another one is heart other way compulsion an indulgence respectively. Each of us is the combination of these two contradictory things. Contradictory: because they often argue each other for our next step.
Those who are totally governed by their logic are so called successful, an outstanding career, a beautiful housewife, one or two children and so on. On the other side those are fully governed by heart either massive so called successful or total disaster. In most of the case they are consider as worthless stuffs for the society. I don’t know which is the best? But both of them are happy in their personal life. But complication arises for the middle clan. They are equally governed by both of these factor and they lead a miserable life. But the good news is they are very few. Over the time each individual choose one side.
As quick as one choose his side he becomes free from all obligations. They have exact answer for their next steps. I am that cursed soul who still could not decide about his clan so the obvious repercussions. Sometime I governed by logic sometime heart. When I decide about my next things to do with the help my logic my heart argue and vice-versa. But surely one day I will choose one… surely I will.
At that time I was in class eight or nine something I guess. It was one of my cousins wedding ceremony. Traditionally we celebrate four or five big events. Whatever these are not important, the important is why all these for?
It was just before my final exam. So I could not involve with all those events. My mother was always anxious about me. That was the worst wedding ceremony I had ever encountered. My other cousins like Shuvo and so on enjoy the total ceremony awfully. Shuvo was then complete his HSC. So he got eternal free time to be there. But I couldn’t manage. I mediated myself by saying ok; one day will come when you will get such eternal vacation. You can do whatever you like to do and so on… But unfortunately that day never comes. Four or five of other cousins getting married after that but I could not attend any of the ceremony. What a reality. Shuvo is still free, he is still like a carefree bird and I am still busy, busy with various fucking stuffs.
I get the reality; I know that I can never be Shuvo. I am myself, I am Shiblee. These carelessness is inherent it cannot be achieved. Sometime I access myself as a careerist, fucking careerist. I am not gonna say that this is bad but this is not humanity. It cannot be…
I am promoted to Software Engineer from Associate Software Engineer. Funny! I have no more interest one Software Engineering. When I complete my undergrad I never thought that software engineering could be such a boring dull job. I always thought there might few challenges, but in reality they are dull and mediocre. Software Engineering becomes a dark side of my life. How much I hate software Engineering I don’t know. The total industry is based on mediocre people and they are not aware of their intelligence. They think themselves “Einstein”. There is room for creativity no room for innovation, juzz doing, doing fucking boring things.
I choose this life for myself but when I choose it I was not aware of it. I had every option to choose anything, because I at the top tier. I never imagined that it can be so dull. But this makes me mediocre. I still enjoy the coding, coding is my passion but I can’t enjoy Software Engineering. This gonna be real curse for me. May be one day I can come back from this cursed life. I know surely that I leave this profession but donno when…? Whatever, I am pursuing that glorious day I know it will come because it has to…
By the way the good news is my remuneration will be adjusted with the upgraded post and so facilities. Whatever, maybe I make myself more lucrative for Software Companies. This is the reality. When I don’t wanna be, nature wants me so. Fuck this fucking life. I hate it, I hate everything, I am sick God damn sick…
Recently, I become interested about Lisp. Paul Graham is the man makes me interested with his fabulous articles. This is quite different from our procedural or object-oriented paradigm. And what I like most is bottom up programming approach. You have to think differently than normal for this programming approach. But the messy thing I notice is brackets. Eighty percent of the code is actually brackets. Whatever I am enjoying the journey. Hopefully I can come up with few interesting code in recent days. Here is the first one…
(setq data ‘(a b c d e f g h I j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z))
(defun reverse-print(param-list)(IF (NULL param-list) NIL (print ( first (let ((return-list (reverse-print (rest param-list)))) param-list)))))
(reverse-print data)
I notice two incidents while I was on holiday. I like to share those with you guys. It’s all about life.
The day before yesterday I meet one of my childhood friends, he is a doctor now. He was so called mummy daddy good boy. And he was very sacred from the very beginning of his life. The very fast thing he told me was let’s have smoke. I can remember he argued with me quite a lot just because I smoke. Now he is a chain smoker. He proposed me to have some alcohol (alcohol are not legal in my country). This is what he is now.
Yesterday, I encounter one of my cousins. He is severely addicted with Heroine. I found him cookin’ a hit. After that he wants me to inject that on his body. I’d tried for almost two hours but found none. None of his vein was fit for inject and I’d tried with visible everyone. And in course of time he was getting more and more mad of that. Finally I gave up, I was sure that it was out of my range. After that he tried again for one hour. All of his veins are full of clot. He mad of it but nature doesn’t allow.
Who knows where time will takes us? Where nature will takes us? We start the journey but we don’t know our destiny. Probably this makes life beautiful.
I am an agnostic so I am not supposed to have any religious festivals. Well I have born in a Muslim family and over the time these become my inane attributes. Is that something, sounds hypocrisy? Ok, in most of the cases they are transformed to such extent that they loose their religious part. Now they are simply cultural festival. End of the day this is very difficult for me to get rid of this kind of things. Again in another psychology, agnostics are considered as escapist. And being an escapist is not possible for me to ignore such a significant religious festivals. In other way few prominent atheists think that it is very difficult for average people to live without any big festival and this is a big reason of survival of religions. Lot of people believes that they belong to any clan just because they attend their festivals nothing else. Ok, I can mention thousands of them but that does not really mean anything.
Whatever you choose for me, I celebrate the tomorrow’s festival and it is our Eid-ul-Adha. Muslim used to slaughter their domestic animal on the name of God. This culture is inherited from Ibrahim. Professor W. Montgomery Watt suggested that Muhammad import this festival from Meccans, because he tries to deceive them, Islam is closer to Meccans than Jews. Any of these could be the reason not important right now. Few nonbelievers argue with process of slaughter, they find the process is brutal. Whatever!!! I enjoyed the end result of Eid-ul-Adha. And I like beef more than anything else :-). I wish Happy Eid-ul-Adha for whole Muslim community and Eid-Mubarak to you all.
Ok, Zafar is right. Happiness is not an achievement rather attribute. This is an inane attribute of human being. I guess few born with such inane attributes; they are always happy whatever they face in real life. I guess I am cursed enough for not getting those lucky attribute. See, these sounds like depression. Yes, I am sadist. Zafar and I was arguing for couple of days on this topic [1][2]. He is right; we (most of us) never face cruel reality in our whole life, but we act so or think so. Well, this is not my realization I know it from very beginning but my mind is not ready to accept that, lol…
The day before yesterday, I was talking with one of my friend. We were talking about marry each other. But finally we reach to an interesting conclusion, we cannot be happy with each other because both of are sadist and we don’t know how to be happy. And On the flip side of the coin we cannot be happy with other as well. Rather we will involve two other innocent guy they might be happy. So what should we do? We don’t know… None of us…
This is 16th December, our glorious victory day. I don’t know how to celebrate it? Nobody ever knows what victory day is unless his /her impendence is snatched. May be the freedom fighters know it better than anybody else. Ok, what I am doing today? I am at my office and doing my usual job. Why? There is no good reason for that. I express my respect towards all freedom fighter. Actually not to the freedom fighter but their feeling that drives them towards it. This is because some of them become corrupted in their later life but this does not indicate that the feelings they feel at that time was hypocrisy. Sometime I afraid that the later generations do not show proper respect to their feelings. They deserve it whatever they did in their later life.
Everybody told me that my writings are sarcastic. Is it? I don’t know how write better because I can’t. These are the reflection of my life. If it is full of dull and boring shits then what can I do? Just think you don’t like to read it, how can I live such a life? My life is so miserable that tonight I knock very special one (probably the last one) through yahoo just to beg some company. If this is my life then how can I write something better? I don’t know. Do you know how can a guy write something better with such a miserable life? Why all these depression for? I can’t answer any of them. Even I don’t know why it is miserable? Even I don’t have any big reason. It is miserable because I feel so, isn’t it enough?
Today is 14th December, Martyr Intellectual Day. Just before the surrender, Pakistani Army and their local collaborators do the worst possible thing they could. They executed most of out intellectual peoples at that time, interesting psychology. They killed almost 991 educationists, 13 journalists, 49 physicians, 42 lawyers, and 16 litterateur, artists and engineers [wiki]. I never can imagined, how it became possible for them to think in such a weird way. Well forget about Pakistani Military, how local collaborator allow this to happen. May be they can depend themselves from any other obligations but how they avoid this phenomenon. I don’t know I did if I was there!!! Sometime I feel that was the right things we deserve. I am twenty five years of old and surprisingly I don’t know the history very well. I don’t have any clear idea. And this is not because of me; this is because of other scholars and intellectuals who survived. I am a good reader. I almost read what I get. They can’t provide me any history, they all are fucking biased. If I saw any intellectuals I always think he deserves it.
Few of my friends already get married and few are on the process. And the rest are on the queue. Very few like me are not thinking about it. I think by the end of next year most of my friends will get married. I think I need couple of more years for myself. This is not because of my career. This is because of my mental stability. Mentally I am not stable enough for it. And I need few more time for my indulgence like world tour etc…
Yesterday we stay at Adnan’s house. It was a nice get together after a long break. I don’t know why I feel most of us is not mentally sound and we are aware of that. We agreed on single point that we are sick and we are on the way of more severe case if we don’t change our life or living style. Finally we decide we should go bar at every Thursday night and drink till morning.
Usually we are not used with chatting on weird and nerd things. Most of the cases we make ourselves busy with philosophical or psychological controversial. But that was not yesterday. Few try to find their remedy inside marriage. Because it will change their life and they will find themselves more responsible, social and gregarious. Few are pursuing higher studies. And the rest like me are waiting for GODOT…
Last two days I didn’t write any blog. I am not busy with anything else but there is an interesting thing. In last few days I am exchange few message with an object. Ok, it wants me to deceive that it is a girl. I am not sure about that but overall I am enjoying. I don’t have much trust on cyber relationship. Even I never consider them as interesting stuff. But I think I am enjoying the conversation.
If it is not a girl I would not mind. I am least bothered with person behind it; I am considering it as a cyber identity which is girl. I believe most of us have lot of camouflage in our real life. Very few among us have that much courage to be truth full in real life. Otherwise most of us use camouflage for different perspective. So why do I mind if I find the the real one as a boy or any of my friends. Even I don’t mind if I found it as an IRC-bot unless it made any mistake.
I made gamble with all of life. I gamble with my personal life, my educational life and so my career. I never think what happen tomorrow. I never calculate my achievements. I might have a bright career but what I am not. Just a mundane Software Engineer. It was not easy for me to waste my life. I always fill my life with indulgence not compulsion. Now time has come to think about, think about what I have done.
I never condemn anybody for my life. I am the only responsible person for such a reckless life. It is I who made it. Whatever I got in my life they are not because of my perseverance rather they were gifted. I always think that I am lucky enough because I got everything almost without any effort. But now time has changed. This is one more time I start gambling with my career. Anything could happen. I took them as a part of the game. Still I believe this is my life and I am solely responsible for them.
I don’t know what I am doing, I don’t know where I am going, sometime I found myself waiting for disaster with whole of my life.
Currently I am reading another interesting book titled, “Muhammad: Prophet and Statesman” by W. Montgomery Watt. Here the author gives a pessimistic view of Muhammad’s life. Major focus of this book on Historical background of born of new religion-Islam, Historical background of Muhammad as Prophet, Influence of Jews and Christians on Islam and few other things still I didn’t explore.
Besides this it is good source of few historic phenomenons. Author analyzes the Hijrah and the first constitution of Medina on the basis of post war disturbed situation on Medina. Here he comes up with few pessimistic repercussions. I guess they might provide few good sources of thoughts.
Writer makes few guess about the profession of Muhammad on Medina. He is not sure about all of them I guess; at least there is no clear indication, evidence or background for his proclaim. Here he shows Muhammad as an aggressor. Sometime he becomes more offensive, like “In our peace-conscious age it is difficult to understand how a religious leader could thus engage in offensive war and become almost an aggressor.” Interestingly in the following paragraph he tries to mediate with “the raid or razzia was a normal feature of Arab desert life.”
Writer use “Strive” as the synonym of “Jihad”. I am not pretty sure about the transformation but he mentioned few verse of Quran those encourage for “Aggression” with the help this word. And finally he criticizes the expansion of Muslim Empire within one century. According to him this is only possible because of “Jihad”. Pretty interesting remarks indeed.
I have not completed this book yet. These are few things I have shared with you because I found them most noticeable. No other intensions…
Well, the title may not reflect my topic. Actually there is nothing called “Bangladeshi Blog.” But I am sorry that I cannot find any better title for it. Whatever I beg pardon for my limitation.
Recently I browse few blog based on my location. And interestingly few things are common in between users. Very few people continue their blog. And most of them are either technical or journalist and among those technical people most of them are computer programmer, funny indeed. Technical people write about few technical topics. People in other profession do maintain any blog. Well, that is not a problem because we still cannot trust this internet related technology except few.
Few of our journalists maintain their own blog. Even I didn’t expect that. But that is good sign. And what makes me more puzzled is one of our journalist was arrested in blog related issue. He was condemned for publishing local information towards the outer world and blah, blah, blah. This is very funny I guess. In this world of globalization nobody has any secret. Whatever this is not our topic.
And, the most interesting part is here. Most of the people write one or two entries in their blog. And almost every case they write about love, pretty interesting. Just choose a random person who writes one or two entries, you will find that was about love. Surprising statistics, I guess, just it check out…
I start my bogging with Technical blog. I am a Software Engineer and probably this is the only thing I can deal with. That’s why I write few technical topics in my blog. I know very well that I am not that much good at writing. And that’s why I start with technical topic because they need few words but lot of time. Now-a-days I am writing very few of them because I am busy with god damn other things.
Now, the other thing is why I made such an amalgamation of technical writing and my lifestyle in same place. Well, this is because it quite difficult for me to maintain two separate blog for them. And I guess both are equally important to know me well. That could be another reason to keep them parallel on my blog. What ever, I start blogging because I wanted to improve my writing skill. I guess one or two years before, it was very difficult for me to write such one paragraph in my native language. But now I guess at least I can write.
Whatever, probably I will come back with more interesting and cutting edge technical writing on mid February. May be those will be more interesting than before.
Yester day I watch a movie “Trainspotting”. Zafar gift that DVD, I don’t know why? I enjoyed it quite a lot. Not because it’s making because it reflect my past life pretty well. Funny, I know. But I was one of those bunches of shits who are sick of fucking scag. Now I am clean and I can proclaim it confidently. This is kind of feelings of observing me from outside. Whatever I enjoyed it and thanks to Zafar. Here is little conversation with zafar about that movie,
Zafar: matal cinema na mama??
Shiblee: it was cool
now why do you suggest me that one ?
Zafar: ha ha
just coz it was off track..
nothin else..
no reason for "rojjute shorpo vrom"
he he
Shiblee: na mama
Zafar: B-)
Shiblee: now tell me the reason, and you give when I was high, remember ?
???
ki mama kotha kou na ken ???
just for fun man
Zafar: brb
reffat is here
Shiblee: oks
Zafar: actually it was for no big reason...
Shiblee: I know
Zafar: when i used to take drugs I also had nightmares..
not as adverse as in this movie..
Shiblee: I know everyone does
Zafar: the movie just depicted those parts well...
Shiblee: yes I guess
Zafar: apart frm that the rest of the movie seemed trash to me..
Shiblee: It reflects my part of life very well
Zafar: they depicted that part very well
ha ha
see..
Shiblee: I don't feel so
Zafar: hmm
There is an interesting chapter in The Satanic Bible, “Hell the Devil, and How to sell Your Soul”. Here the author tries to say the Satanist need not sell their soul to Satan which is most important in any other religion. What I am doing now? I am selling my soul to other people rather than God. What I am? Am I Prostitute? Pimp? What? I donno…
First time I sell my soul to someone very special. That was not a good experience at all. And now the scenario is different, now I am looking for someone to sell my soul, pretty much interesting. Sometime I guess I become a salesman of myself in slung Pimp. On the other way I became a commodity… lol…
BUET tries to make me a better commodity. But I was reluctant at that time. Now I make myself a commodity but alas! I cannot maintain that quality. And I have no one to condemn.
Probably most enumerated wish of human is “I wish I could be child again.” I never think so. I had an interesting psychology that this is the phrase of timid who dares to face tomorrow. I always deceive myself I am not among them. I have every courage to face the worst tomorrow. Even I believed that I am the creator of my own tomorrow so why I would be afraid of my own creation. Now I am loosing myself day by day.
I am selling myself, I afraid to face reality, I afraid to face myself. Even, sometime I am afraid of facing a better tomorrow. Who knows what next…
I know very well how I complete my undergraduate. All my credentials are so weak for higher studies though I am trying for that. I guess I am not that much shit. Or maybe I am. My grade is low, GRE score is low, TOEFL score is low and what more. Some time I wonder why they choose me. Being refused from so many places I wonder what I deed in my undergraduate. I don’t know what? This is absurd. I guess BUET should cease my certificates. Am I that much shit?
This is frustrating. This is quite frustrating… People like me should not pursue for higher studies. Now-a-days I asked myself why I don’t notice these things in my undergrad. Again I come up with an explanation if I notice these before what might I did? Ok, these are useless verses now. Now I am shit, a bloody fucking shit. As soon as I realize this fact better for me.
I don’t know why the same thing happens with me periodically. I guess I am that much dull to learn from any of this incident. Every time every one betrayed me whom I believe. I don’t know why this happens to me every time. Now I persuade myself, there must be something wrong in me. I don’t know what that is but there is something.
You know what I have learned from my life, please trust no one, and please don’t trust any body. You can’t depend on anybody. Mind it; if any one gets any single chance he will fuck your ass. I am pissed off with this life. One of the professors refused me today for funding. I don’t know the reason but I can guess what could be!
Ok, Finally I release version 1.1. It covers almost every feature I promised. But few problems exist with efficacy. Whatever a better marketing can conceal any thing. Though this version is targeted for universities, one year professional experience is added as bonus feature. And that is the reason I am waiting for the final release. Ok hope for the best with rest of the things. I end with an interesting joke about marketing,
Father: I want u to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: I will choose my own bride!
Father: But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Well, in that case... OK.
Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: I've a husband for ur daughter.
Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry!
Father: But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ahh, in that case... OK
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President: But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!
Father: But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law.
President: "Ahhh, in that case... OK
This is how marketing is done!!!
